A Midsummer Daydream

Philadelphia - Old City: Second Bank Portrait Gallery - Benjamin FranklinWhat did the founding fathers have in mind for this day?

The way I see it, the 4th of July is the day to spend 24 hours doing exactly what you want to be doing. It is a day to celebrate your independence from rules, obligations, pants…and Britain.

In the first place, I have decided to spend this holy day wholly on my own. And I have determined to be as lazy, relaxed, intoxicated, unenthused, and calorie-filled as humanly possible.

Feel free to follow my lead…


The day began with pancakes and sausages. In fact, it started with pancakes wrapped around sausages. In the end, they actually looked like tiny deformed goat heads with thumbs sticking out of them, but they were delicious nonetheless. Chocolate chips helped.

There will be pizza and hotdogs for lunch, and lamb and potatoes for dinner. I say if you are going to celebrate the end of British rule over its American colonies, you might as well do it by ingesting 23,000 calories in sixteen hours.


How can drinking on the 4th be new and bold?

My drinking today will take on an Ellis Island motif, with flavors of booze from various stretches of the world. There was Russian vodka in my Bloody Mary, and this afternoon there will be Czech beer, Becherovka, and Irish whiskey. And, thanks to a friend’s gift from her Greek holiday, Ouzo!

Should I live until tomorrow, I shall excrete a UN Peacekeeping Mission.


Let us just be clear about something: there will be no pants. And I think this is exactly how Thomas Jefferson and John Adams would have liked it. Have you ever seen their portraits? Their faces are screaming one thing to future generations: Pantaloons suck.

So, with my pants off in a most revolutionary, independent, patriotic manner, I shall sit on my couch (to be washed tomorrow) and imbibe things passively.

On the book front there is one about murderous Irishmen coming to America in the 18th century. On the television front there will be M*A*S*H, because what better way to celebrate America than watching one of its greatest fictional dissidents perform surgery and moan in Korea?

When these things fail to keep my attention, I shall simply drop an olive on the floor and spend 90 minutes watching the B Monster treat it like the Americans treated Britain at the Siege of Yorktown. And if you are surprised that this might hold my attention, I direct you to analyze the Drink section of this post.

Merry Be

What is the point of this post? I am not sure…I know I had one when I started…oh yeah: Do whatever you want today, folks!

It is the day the founding fathers demand that you celebrate your independence. And whether you do that with Liquorice booze, hotdogs and hamburgers, or passing out in front of your boss after hitting on his wife, just follow these two bits of advice:

Be merry


Fuck pants

  1. #1 by Kelly on July 4, 2013 - 2:28 pm

    Your Fourth of July sounds like my second, third, fifth and sixth of July. Minus the book part.

    • #2 by Damien Galeone on July 4, 2013 - 2:34 pm

      Damn. You are living the life of Riley! Even all the international booze?

  2. #3 by Kelly on July 4, 2013 - 2:41 pm

    Well last night I had Chardonnay from two different Vineyards. I believe one was from South Africa, the other from Jersey so that could pass for Italian. And I live in a very Greek neighborhood so Ouzo is not hard to come by. I will have a sip and toast to Fourth of July in Chezeckosolavakia! That’s the best I can do on that spelling…and I’m still under the impression that they are one place.

    • #4 by Damien Galeone on July 5, 2013 - 11:17 am

      Amazingly, only when you experience both the Czech and Slovak cultures do you realize how different they are. The Czechs are surely more Germanic in nature and the Slovaks are surely more Slavic. Insane. Wine from Jersey, huh…so can I just guess that you’re at the ER now?

  3. #5 by Tiffany N. York on July 4, 2013 - 7:59 pm

    Well, I did the drinking last night so I’m not sure what I’ll be up to today, although I’m going to a bbq where my friend makes the most delicious sangria, so…yeah. I will def be eating a lot since I do that very well–carne asada, tortillas and beans. Cheesecake.

    I will have to force myself to be social if I want the sangria and grub. Which means I’ll have to get dressed. Pity since I am, at the moment, sitting here without pants (I’m wearing a cotton nightie thingie, does that count?) And would actually prefer to spend the day sitting on my fat ass, watching MASH reruns. Or maybe Arrested Development. I draw the line at Ouzo though. That shit is nasty.

    • #6 by Damien Galeone on July 5, 2013 - 11:38 am

      The cotton nightie thingy definitely counts…for so many things. Should we ever end up watching MASH reruns together, I shall demand its presence! On me or you, it’ll be there!

      • #7 by Tiffany N. York on July 5, 2013 - 8:48 pm

        If Ouzo is involved, it will probably end up on you.

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