Damien Galeone

So, it turns out I have menopause. Well, jetlag really. But research suggests I am suffering menopause. I am achy and having mood swings. I have chills, hot flashes, and I am scattered. Also, my uterus has an out-of-service sign hanging on it.

As I suffer this new and exciting condition (mainly the mood swings), I am trying to conjure a blog about New Year’s resolutions that won’t be totally offensive. But that’s out the window since I just mentioned my uterus. Maybe I’ll resolve not to offend you in this blog post. Or maybe my resolution should be to offend you more today…

It doesn’t matter, as on the whole I find New Year’s resolutions useless. They are little statements to show what people want to change about their lives with no intention of following through on it. When I hear a resolution, I think: I’ll respect this if you’re doing it in six months. Til then, stop talking and do.

The problem with New Year’s resolutions is that they push forth the idea that by saying you’ll do something you are doing it. This is surely not the case. When it comes to resolutions and other life-changing goals, I often hear phrases like: I’m going to…, I’m thinking of…, I need to start…. I’d rather hear people say things like: I’ve been doing …., I really needed to change this, so I…, or A few months ago, I started…

I obviously don’t have a problem with people wanting to change their lives. I think that wanting something different or something to be different is the first step towards making something different. Last year (in October) I decided to write 1,000 words a day and it has been one of the best decisions in my life. I know other people who have made drastic changes occur from a seemingly small decision or resolution. And you can do it too.

But, and here’s the catch, you actually have to do it.

My advice for fulfilling a resolution is to tell it to one person. That person should either be your best friend or your arch-nemesis. They should be someone who will never let you forget that you are not living up to your resolution. You should be forced to check in with them in some way for six months and then you’ll be off the hook. Maybe you could make a wager with them: If I do this for six months, you have to buy me dinner.

The goal is to change something, after all. So why not do everything you can to make sure you attain that goal?

But don’t listen to me; my only resolution at the moment is to get my uterus back up and running.