This Week in Idiots

Think he got picked out of the line-up?

Think he got picked out of the line-up?

Every now and then, I do something naive and dumb.

I allow myself to believe that the world is essentially filled with intelligent, humane people who simply want to live their lives in peace, happiness, and security.

But then I look at the internet and that gets blown to hell.

It only takes a few minutes on the internet to become convinced that the world is absolutely teeming with stupidity and idiocy.

I have decided to compile a short list of the most impressive idiots for today’s post.

Dolphin Selfies

Topping the list this week are a group of beachgoers who killed a rare dolphin after passing it around so that all of them (from the photo at least 15 people) could get a selfie (a delphie?) with the animal.

The fact that “we might want to get this sea creature who needs water to stay alive back into the water at some point” didn’t occur to any one of these people is stupid enough. And yet, the stupidest aspect is probably that when they had all gotten their delphies, they laid the dolphin on the beach and walked away.

Yes. Ingenious.

Note to all of you wildlife idiots out there: dolphins need water to stay alive.

What’s next? Are you going to drag a Bengal tiger into the middle of the Indian Ocean for a few snaps and then leave it in there?


Tattooed Criminals

While I have never quite understood the draw of getting a tattoo on one’s face, I have tried to live by the motto: to each their own.

And yet, you’d think that if had a face tattoo you might try to avoid crimes against human victims. The logic here being, and if you have 9 brain cells you know this, that the people you are robbing at gunpoint might remember such distinguishing characteristics as the tattoo “Fuck Cops” above your eyebrows and beneath the tattoo of devil horns on your forehead.

Just sayin’.

And he’s not our only tattooed genius. Another guy with a “Team America” tattoo on his forehead got arrested for masturbating on a train for 30 minutes. 30 minutes. Seriously? Buddy, there are times to self-seduce and times to get the job done; reacquaint yourself with those times.

Another brilliant gent was arrested for drunk driving and indecent exposure. I suppose whatever he exposed indecently wasn’t as memorable as the word “Psycho X Pathic” on his forehead and the demons tattooed beneath his eyes.


It’s honest to goodness hard work to be the stupidest rapper of the week while Kanye West continues to open the hole beneath his nose and speak words aloud. And yet rapper 50 Cent has managed.

As far as famous rapper behavior, 50 Cent is pretty run of the mill. He has recently posted pictures of himself in bed surrounded by piles and piles and piles of cash. He has bragged on Twitter about the ongoing construction of his new house in Africa, swearing that the housewarming party will be “crazy.” As most African housewarming shindigs are.

And yet, Mr. Cent is drawing the attention of America’s court system for these actions. This is probably because he has recently declared bankruptcy. So the court is probably wondering where he’s coming up with the money for these pictures and his African crib. They also might be wondering how he could be dumber than the pillows on his bed.

Still, it’s not like he’s totally lying. In one of his pictures, he has spelled out the word “BROKE” in thick piles of hundred-dollar bills. Irony? Perhaps. That’s for the courts to figure out.

At least he spelled “broke” correctly.

Honorable Mentions

Sadly, this list is far from comprehensive. There’s a whole slew of dummies on my notepad who got scratched off.

For example, there’s Jeb Bush, who allowed someone to buy the domain name and redirect it to a site supporting Donald Trump. This lack of foresight is not an isolated incident, with domain names hosting a blog by a gay couple and hosting an anti-Jeb Bush campaign.


Moreover, there’s the people who are really just dumbfounded over the fact that Hillary Clinton, a politician, might have lied. Wow. How incredible. If you are so amazed that a lifelong politician lied, please climb off your unicorn, put down your bag of sunshine rays, and check yourself into the nearest hospital.

As mentioned, this list is sadly incomplete. So if you’d care to add to it, please do. And then join me in a shot of whiskey.

  1. #1 by Pavel on February 22, 2016 - 8:56 pm

    You got a point, but you are not naive at all. There are inteligent people in the world, but as my grandma always says “Stupid people are just happy that they can live, so let it be”. So just be greatful for all the smart people in your life. Great article, I just laugh at these smack heads:)

  2. #2 by ed on February 23, 2016 - 3:56 am

    Two words. Mr. Cent. Hehe.

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