What’s Blue About This? Sigh.
First, the bad news: today is Blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year.
Not for any particular reason, but rather many reasons. Today is sort of the perfect storm of misery. As a matter of fact, there’s an equation:
[W + (D – d) x TQ
————————————
M x Na
(W) Weather plus your (D) debt subtracting your (d) salary multiplied by the (T) time since Christmas, (Q) time since failing your New Year’s resolutions, divided by (M) low motivation levels multiplied by (Na) the feeling of the need to do something.
The good news is that this concept of Blue Monday is commonly regarded in the science community as pseudoscience. But, you know as well as I, all of the factors in that equation mean something to you.
The weather is bad, it’s been cold for months and will be for months. The nights are long and pitch black. Not only are we suffering the harsh withdrawal of post holiday revelry, but the holidays emptied your wallet and expanded your waist. You are low on physical motivation, and chances are any resolutions you had for the New Year never made it out of the Higgins boat.
Sorry folks, but it’s going to get worse before it gets any better. Other factors are making this year’s Blue Monday a bit bluer, such as the stress surrounding Brexit and Donald Trump’s inauguration in 4 days.
Breathe in, breathe out.
If Captain James T. Kirk has taught us anything, it’s that there’s a way out of any cage.
So how can we get out of the Blue Monday cage?
If you’re like me, you’re wondering how you can get through the Trump presidency until he’s impeached in a few months. Fortunately, there are apps and technology to the rescue. Make America Kittens Again is a Google extension that masks all pictures of Donald Trump with pictures of kittens.
And if you’re desperately missing the wise words and soothing voice of our soon-to-be former president, there’s iSpeech Obama, which turns out all text in President Obama’s voice. When Trump’s inane bombast is getting you down, you can listen to President Obama read your to-do list, and tell you to pick up milk and eggs, remind you about a Friday meeting. As well as, probably, spank him good or take off your panties. Because come on, who wouldn’t sext the president just once?
If Christmas cookies and rich meals made you a bit chubby, don’t worry. Remember, your spare tire is nothing but evolutionary instinct. You are a mammal, and as a mammal your body is hardwired to pack on a few layers of chub to keep you warm and more content during the long, lean winter months. So if you feel fat, just look in the mirror and growl like the badger you are.
Are you broke and unmotivated? Me too. Handing over your Credit card seems like perfectly reasonable on December 20th, but now, you are wondering where all your cash went. Additionally, you were supposed to be doing cool new things like martial arts, working out, writing, or learning to play guitar.
There are tons of ways to enjoy a day without spending much (or any) money. Entertain yourself with any one of the universe of podcasts out there, all completely free to listen to. There are also zillions of documentaries, series, and classics.
Or you can kill two birds with one stone by doing something to improve or challenge yourself, thus saving money and sneaking in a late-in-the-game resolution. There are dozens of ways to do this. You could teach yourself a cool card trick or how to juggle. Not only are they fun, but both activities are proven to enhance brain function. Also, you’ll look cool at the next party you go to.
If you want to do something creative, you could write a haiku, whose specific content and structure make for not only a creative pursuit, but also a brainteaser of sorts. You could write a short story, or learn to knit, do origami, make paper airplanes, or draw. You could also start writing letters to old friends.
If you’d like to enhance the inside of your cave, you could deep clean the room you spend the most time in, clean out a closet (never know what you’ll find), embark upon a DIY project, or do household maintenance. You could go to a vintage shop and buy some cheap posters and paintings to redecorate with.
If you’d like to be social, you could have a cupboard potluck party. You clean out your cupboard and make a meal consisting of those ingredients, and invite a bunch of friends to do the same. Or have a weekend film binge festival on a specific topic (monsters of the sea, great sports films, Kurt Russel). You could also have a board game night, a book club, or just meet a friend and wander around a part of the city you’re unfamiliar with and hit a bar you’ve never been to. Breaking out of your routine will do wonders for your gloomy spirit.
Are the weather and the darkness getting you down? There are obviously a number of steps you can take to help you out. LED lights, exercise, eating fruit and veggies.
But really, I find that the worst part of something unpleasant comes before the unpleasantness. I don’t like flying, but waiting in the airport for a flight is far worse than being on the plane, I don’t like Mondays but the lightning fast Sunday afternoon is more agonizing than Monday.
When you’re doing something unpleasant, you’re at least getting it over with. It’s mid-January, which means you couldn’t be more “more unpleasant” if it tried. But soon, spring will be here. In 49 days pitchers and catchers report for spring training, beer gardens will be open, you’ll soon get caught in a spring shower and not a snowstorm.
It’ll be here before you know it folks, until then, hold on.
