On Jetlag and Viagra

Death by viagraCase Study

This is a case study on (cleverly disguised) subject X and his acute struggle with jetlag. The symptoms, analysis, diagnosis, and prognosis are based on Wikipedia’s (genuflect) jetlag page.


According to Wikipedia, symptoms of jetlag include headache, fatigue, irregular sleep patterns, insomnia, disorientation, grogginess, irritability, mild depression, constipation and, just for fun, diarrhea.

X starts his day at 2:17 a.m., having woken to a headache that would put down Hunter S Thompson. In one hand X is holding a sandwich and in the other, a mobile phone. There is an indecipherable half-written message on the phone and the ingredients of the sandwich have spilled onto his lap. After unsuccessfully trying to rebuild his sandwich or fall back to sleep, X goes to the shower and weeps when he sees that he is showering wearing a sock.

Though a number of over the counter medicines are taken, X cannot rid himself of a stomach-ache, headache or an impending sense of doom. He goes to work, all the while cursing the free alcohol served on his (cleverly disguised) *ufthansa flight.

After falling asleep at his desk, X is awakened by his boss and proceeds to teach students who are preparing for a Cambridge English exam. Ten minutes into the class he is told by another teacher that he is in the wrong room. (Later investigation has revealed that X tried to teach a Russian class).

After finally finding his students, X loses his place a number of times – both in the classroom and in the textbook. He goes on to suggest that the word ‘Cipowitz’ is a verb and silently calls a student ‘ass-monkey’ when they suggest that he might be incorrect.

The tram ride home sees X’s second bout of tears for the day and the third one comes the following morning when he realizes that he has not used a toilet in 41 hours.


✔ Headache                    ✔ fatigue

✔ irregular sleep patterns

✔ insomnia                      ✔ disorientation

✔ grogginess                   ✔ irritability

✔ mild depression           ✔ constipation

X  diarrhea


Subject X has jetlag. Though if irritability and mild depression are major symptoms, then Subject X has had jetlag since his 30th birthday.


Subject X is, in medical terms, totally f*cked.


To battle jetlag, Wikipedia (genuflect) suggests avoiding alcohol and getting plenty of sunlight. Wikipedia also cites a recent study suggesting that Viagra could assist in recovery.

Subject X Treatment Regimen

Subject X does not understand any phrase in which the words ‘avoid’ and ‘alcohol’ occur in successive order. How else is he supposed to sleep? Hark, this treatment avenue is disregarded.  Sunlight soon follows suit considering the fact that Subject X lives in Prague and it is January. Thus, there is no sunlight to be had.

In 2003, Subject X procured a Viagra from a doctor after complaining of a bout of impotence brought on by M*A*S*H reruns and an extended panic attack. This Viagra was never needed (OK, but just once). In any case, Subject X admits to keeping an ‘Emergency Viagra’ in a cabinet which also holds his birth certificate, photographic evidence of an ex-girlfriend, his grandfather’s watch and a test tube containing his uvula.

Follow Up

Subject X claims that his ‘Emergency Viagra’ is intact and resting in its secret hiding place. He further claims that his jetlag has been cured by a two day regimen of Nyquil, Ketel One, ham sandwiches and Becherovka. His irritability suggests that his jetlag is not fully cured, but he falls asleep on the floor before any further questioning can be done.

N.B: Thursday, 12:37 p.m.           ✔ diarrhea

  1. #1 by Andy on January 5, 2012 - 9:17 pm

    “Though if irritability and mild depression are major symptoms, then Subject X has had jetlag since his 30th birthday.”

    Riiiight, because those are the ONLY two adjectives on that list which regularly describe Subject X. Interestingly, Subject X lives in Prague, which would imply there is likely a delicious alcoholic spirit which cures jetlag…

    • #2 by Damien Galeone on January 5, 2012 - 10:25 pm

      Oh brother, how right you are and it was imbibed. Oh, it was imbibed. By the way, sitting down with some popcorn and the West Wing, seems like old times.

  2. #3 by Ash on January 6, 2012 - 1:18 am

    D-Magnificent! Having flown around 150k miles this year…I have decided that Jetlag is, in a single word, how to be a man…it requires you to drink yourself to sleep, wake up, then Exercise(critical). Dress yourself and go be a functioning worker of some kind, then in the afternoon you must force feed yourself unhealthy quantities of caffeine till your eyes are so glazed over they begin to tear….then repeat for 3-5 days… During one bad experience I even put my tie on backwards(the seam was facing out, in a way that could not be adjusted with the one hard twist move we all do. That made me cry.

    • #4 by Damien Galeone on January 6, 2012 - 9:19 am

      HAHA-Hilarious! I am so relieved to know that there are more of us! We should have a support group at which you get free Nyquil, whiskey and a personal dresser. Laggers of the world, unite!

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