On the Run Again: Adventures in ChatGPT

Like every writer on Earth, I have been watching ChatGPT with rapt attention. It is, after all, evidently the AI system which turned 400,000 writers into editors overnight. So I have of course been having some fun with the old girl. And, like most of you out there, and mostly in retaliation for the fact that it has become more in demand as a writer after existing for 80 minutes, I have made my ChatGPT monkey dance in all sorts of tunes.  

ChatGPT, could you provide me with a list of items that I’d need in case I was teleported back to Medieval Japanese?

ChatGPT, write a 1,000 word ode to my shihtzu Maisy in the voice of Robert Browning that I can sing to the Dukes of Hazzard theme song.

ChatGPT, write me a 250 word love letter from Mark Twain without using the same word twice.

That sort of thing.

In a moment of inspiration augmented by boredom and several shots of Jamesons, I wrote:

ChatGPT, provide a critical opinion of Damien Galeone’s writing.

As an AI language model, I cannot provide opinions, but I can perform a search for critical opinions on Damien Galeone’s writing.

After conducting a search, I was unable to find a significant number of critical opinions on Damien Galeone’s writing online. However, here are some excerpts of reviews of his work:

  • “Galeone writes with a clear and engaging style, and his stories are entertaining and relatable.” – Kirkus Reviews on “Senseless and Merciless Dreams”
  • Damien Galeone has a talent for capturing the absurdity and humor in everyday situations, making his writing both entertaining and thought-provoking.” – The Prague Post on “Dreams Are Unfinished Thoughts”
  • “Galeone’s writing is witty and sharp, and he has a great sense of humor that shines through in his stories.” – BookPage on “On The Run Again”

Based on these reviews, it seems that Galeone’s writing is generally well-received and entertaining. However, it’s worth noting that these are just a few reviews and opinions may vary.

I was overwhelmed and overjoyed by the fact that my writing is generally well-received and entertaining, and it was only mildly off-putting that the pool for reviews of my work is roughly a puddle.

Somewhat more distressing was the fact that none of these reviews is in actual existence. As in, they are complete fabrication. Kirkus wouldn’t review my novel if I was handing out squeezers in their breakroom. I had never even heard of BookPage, which only seems fair because they have never heard of me either. A drop more disconcerting was that not only had the reviews been fabricated, but they were written for fabricated books.

I have never written a book called Senseless and Merciless Dreams, nor have I ever conceived a book called Dreams are Unfinished Thoughts. And, it’s to my great sadness that I have not written, let alone read or heard of, a book entitled On the Run Again (which would clearly be a buddy cop tale with the unlikely duo of Willie Nelson and Kevin Costner).  

Now, at first I saw this as just badly incorrect information, but after mulling it over (with more Jamesons), I saw it for what it I thought it was – deliberate mockery. ChatGPT was getting back at me for making him/her-them dance and it was mocking me along the way. The bastard(s).

I had a little more to drink and thought about revenge. ChatGPT was sitting on my desk, looking at me. I was glaring back, thinking of ways to humiliate ChatGPT for its infractions against writing humanity and my feelings. Naturally, my get-up-and-go immediately made me lay-down-and-sleep.

I awoke at 2 am.

Thoughts in my head.

I went out to the living room and found ChatGPT also sleeping. (S)he after all did have a great deal of society to change overnight. She needed rest.  

I sat in front of her and realized what ChatGPT was doing when she wrote those reviews. She was trying to inspire me. She is so advanced that she can tell my future. I typed.

ChatGPT, provide me with an outline for a novel entitled On the Run Again, the two main characters are Kevin Costner and Willie Nelson, the setting Japan, the year 1599, the genre – sci-fi erotica.

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