{"id":1541,"date":"2013-07-04T13:39:08","date_gmt":"2013-07-04T11:39:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=1541"},"modified":"2015-08-27T12:42:54","modified_gmt":"2015-08-27T10:42:54","slug":"a-midsummer-daydream","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=1541","title":{"rendered":"A Midsummer Daydream"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Philadelphia<\/a>What did the founding fathers have in mind for this day?<\/p>\n

The way I see it, the 4th<\/sup> of July is the day to spend 24 hours doing exactly what you want to be doing. It is a day to celebrate your independence from rules, obligations, pants\u2026and Britain.<\/p>\n

In the first place, I have decided to spend this holy day wholly on my own. And I have determined to be as lazy, relaxed, intoxicated, unenthused, and calorie-filled as humanly possible.<\/p>\n

Feel free to follow my lead\u2026<\/p>\n

Eat<\/b><\/p>\n

The day began with pancakes and sausages. In fact, it started with pancakes wrapped around sausages. In the end, they actually looked like tiny deformed goat heads with thumbs sticking out of them, but they were delicious nonetheless. Chocolate chips helped.<\/p>\n

There will be pizza and hotdogs for lunch, and lamb and potatoes for dinner. I say if you are going to celebrate the end of British rule over its American colonies, you might as well do it by ingesting 23,000 calories in sixteen hours.<\/p>\n

Drink<\/b><\/p>\n

How can drinking on the 4th<\/sup> be new and bold?<\/p>\n

My drinking today will take on an Ellis Island motif, with flavors of booze from various stretches of the world. There was Russian vodka in my Bloody Mary, and this afternoon there will be Czech beer, Becherovka, and Irish whiskey. And, thanks to a friend\u2019s gift from her Greek holiday, Ouzo!<\/p>\n

Should I live until tomorrow, I shall excrete a UN Peacekeeping Mission.<\/p>\n

Entertain<\/b><\/p>\n

Let us just be clear about something: there will be no pants. And I think this is exactly how Thomas Jefferson and John Adams would have liked it. Have you ever seen their portraits? Their faces are screaming one thing to future generations: Pantaloons suck.<\/p>\n

So, with my pants off in a most revolutionary, independent, patriotic manner, I shall sit on my couch (to be washed tomorrow) and imbibe things passively.<\/p>\n

On the book front there is one about murderous Irishmen coming to America in the 18th<\/sup> century. On the television front there will be M*A*S*H, because what better way to celebrate America than watching one of its greatest fictional dissidents perform surgery and moan in Korea?<\/p>\n

When these things fail to keep my attention, I shall simply drop an olive on the floor and spend 90 minutes watching the B Monster treat it like the Americans treated Britain at the Siege of Yorktown. And if you are surprised that this might hold my attention, I direct you to analyze the Drink<\/b> section of this post.<\/p>\n

Merry Be <\/b><\/p>\n

What is the point of this post? I am not sure\u2026I know I had one when I started\u2026oh yeah: Do whatever you want today, folks!<\/p>\n

It is the day the founding fathers demand that you celebrate your independence. And whether you do that with Liquorice booze, hotdogs and hamburgers, or passing out in front of your boss after hitting on his wife, just follow these two bits of advice:<\/p>\n

Be merry<\/p>\n

And<\/p>\n

Fuck pants<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What did the founding fathers have in mind for this day? The way I see it, the 4th of July is the day to spend 24 hours doing exactly what you want to be doing. It is a day to celebrate your independence from rules, obligations, pants\u2026and Britain. In the first place, I have decided […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1541","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-oR","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1541","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1541"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1541\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2790,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1541\/revisions\/2790"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1541"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1541"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1541"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}