{"id":1740,"date":"2013-10-31T10:24:49","date_gmt":"2013-10-31T09:24:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=1740"},"modified":"2015-08-27T12:47:13","modified_gmt":"2015-08-27T10:47:13","slug":"people-who-need-to-get-screwed-by-the-karma-police","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=1740","title":{"rendered":"People Who Need to Get Screwed by the Karma Police"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"If<\/a>OK, OK, I know this title suggests a grumpy old yogi sitting in a lotus position on a porch and shouting barely acceptable epithets at passersby. I am no yogi, but, sometimes a guy just has to remember why he started his blog in the first place: to talk about people who piss him off.<\/p>\n

The highlighted folks in today\u2019s post are just rude. They don\u2019t care that other people exist in the world with them. And as I see it, they have some karmic punishment coming to them. This post briefly touches on these social vermin and suggests appropriate karmic retribution.<\/p>\n

Before you ask, my karmic balance has come in the form of the people who walk past my balcony playing Bjork and performing skateboarding tricks. Also, I have a cat who seems to know exactly where my bladder is.<\/p>\n

Anyway, here are some people who don\u2019t care that others exist and the universal balls of shit coming their way.<\/p>\n

5. Man Who Phones in Car<\/b><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t hate mobiles, I hate what happens to people when they use them. It\u2019s amazing how a simple gadget can turn otherwise normal people into rude douchebags shouting conversations on public transport. This is usually after the six-minute bag search for the phone as it blasted The Final Countdown. <\/i>Mobiles make people rude. <\/i><\/p>\n

I am not the only one this irks; just look around a restaurant at all the people scrolling through their Facebook news feed or deleting messages. And then look at the grimace on the face of their companion.<\/p>\n

Nobody is worse, though, than a person who commits vehicular stupidicide. And this is a non-denominational, non-national, unisex problem. As a pedestrian I have had more than a few near misses with jack-cadets texting or looking at Reddit while they blow through an intersection. It\u2019s OK, you\u2019re only maneuvering a 3,000 lb piece of metal, don\u2019t bother paying attention.<\/p>\n

Karmic Retribution:<\/b> This person will be reincarnated as a disabled Javanese sweat shop worker who has to put together mobiles with his teeth at .32 cents a month. Also, he\u2019ll work in an area with no wi-fi reception or phone signal.<\/p>\n

4. He Who Smokes on Escalator \u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

OK, while it\u2019s not my vice, I understand that people need a cigarette. I am not the cigarette Nazi that many others are these days. I try to be reasonable. If I\u2019m in a pub, smoke is a fact of life and I deal with it. If someone\u2019s smoking in front of me while walking on the street, I just avoid them.<\/p>\n

But if you light a cigarette at the bottom of an escalator going up out of the metro station \u2013 you are a dick. No questions asked. I am actually jealous, as this must take a total lack of self-awareness to pull off. That or a level of stupidity so grand that you failed out of Forrest Gump\u2019s box of chocolates class.<\/p>\n

If that\u2019s the case, here\u2019s a hint: the smoke is going behind you. That\u2019s why you don\u2019t see it. And behind you is where other people exist.<\/p>\n

Karmic Retribution:<\/b> Well, it\u2019s going to be pretty tough to haul that oxygen tank onto the escalator.<\/p>\n

3. He Who Doesn\u2019t Clean up Dog Shit <\/b><\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve ever been to Prague, you surely found yourself looking up at the beautiful architecture and the castles besides. Then there are the quaint buildings huddled along cobbled streets. Well, those quaint cobbled streets are lined with little, brown landmines.<\/p>\n

Gotcha!<\/p>\n

Yes, and at the end of the day, you probably noticed that your shoes were caked in dog shit.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know what it is about the Czechs, but some of them absolutely refuse to pick up their dog\u2019s shit. And it\u2019s not nearly confined to the forests or grass. One of my friends lay in wait and finally caught a woman who allowed her dog to shit on the step of his apartment building. When he confronted her, she was astounded at his insolence. Once, while walking up the steps out of a metro station, I saw a perfect footprint in the middle of a puddle of diarrhea.<\/p>\n

Are you fucking kidding me?<\/p>\n

Karmic Retribution:<\/b> These people will be reincarnated as the shoes of a blind man who lives in Prague. The blind man will be a drunk and will have a mischievous seeing-eye dog. The shoes will have the ability to smell.<\/p>\n

2. He Who Sleeps Across Seats<\/b><\/p>\n

I mean, you\u2019re tired, you need to sleep, right? But wait, you\u2019re on public transport and it\u2019s packed, so you just have to grin and bear it, right?<\/p>\n

Wrong.<\/p>\n

In what has to be one of the most amazing displays of rudeness since that guy punched that 6 year-old for a baseball at Dodgers Stadium, some man was lying \u2013 not sleeping \u2013 across three seats on the tram. People asked him to move, he didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Karmic Retribution: <\/b>I really don\u2019t know. I mean, the smoker has a vice to deal with, the phone guy is just a dolt, but this guy is a bastard. I can\u2019t imagine what the universe has planned for him, but it\u2019ll be something <\/b>involving a German actress, a cyanide pill, and a bunker. <\/b><\/p>\n

1. Children (all of them)<\/b><\/p>\n

Kids just don\u2019t care. They scream, they wail, they pick their nose and wipe it on seats. They point at the guy sitting across from them and ask, \u201cMommy, why is the man so hairy?\u201d And then, \u201cMommy, why is the man so fat?\u201d And then, \u201cMommy, why is the man so angry?\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s OK. I was the same and so were all these people around you. Unfortunately for all of you children out there, the same karmic retribution that got us is awaiting you.<\/p>\n

Karmic Retribution:<\/b> They will become adults.<\/p>\n

Over to you! <\/b><\/p>\n

Oh my flocks of readers (my cat and some lady who owes me a favor. wink. Wink) Who is on your karma list? Who\u2019s really going to get it bad?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

OK, OK, I know this title suggests a grumpy old yogi sitting in a lotus position on a porch and shouting barely acceptable epithets at passersby. I am no yogi, but, sometimes a guy just has to remember why he started his blog in the first place: to talk about people who piss him off. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1740","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-s4","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1740","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1740"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1740\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2792,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1740\/revisions\/2792"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1740"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1740"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1740"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}