{"id":1792,"date":"2013-12-08T20:12:53","date_gmt":"2013-12-08T19:12:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=1792"},"modified":"2024-10-14T15:53:07","modified_gmt":"2024-10-14T13:53:07","slug":"you-better-watch-out-cert-is-coming-to-town","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=1792","title":{"rendered":"You Better Watch out, \u010cert is Coming to Town"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Vintage<\/a>It\u2019s Thursday night, December 5th<\/sup>, and the girls in my late lesson are summarizing St. Mikul\u00e1\u0161\u2019 Day, which is tomorrow. So, on the night before, St. Mikul\u00e1\u0161 walks around and interrogates children as to whether they have been good or bad. If they have been good, then one of Mikul\u00e1\u0161\u2019 assistants \u2013 an angel \u2013 treats them with sweets, nuts, or potatoes.<\/p>\n

The bad ones get a scolding and some coal from Mikul\u00e1\u0161.<\/p>\n

The really<\/i> bad ones get \u010cert.<\/p>\n

\u010cert is the Slavic demon who acts as Mikul\u00e1\u0161 other assistant on his December 5th<\/sup> rounds. If kids are really bad, he kidnaps them and brings them back to his lair in Hell. He carries a whip or a switch and gets fed booze throughout the night. So that makes him more pleasant.<\/p>\n

\u010cert is a big, hairy beast with horns and a disturbingly long tongue; imagine Jean Simmons on steroids and hormone pills. Though he is Slavic, he has a counterpart in many cultures. For example, Krampus joins St. Nicholas on his rounds in cuddly Germany.<\/p>\n

There are variations on \u010cert (or Krampus). In more remote villages, he is sometimes joined by his colleague, an antlered wild man. Sometimes he steals big-breasted ladies. Sometimes he has one human foot and one cloven hoof. Sometimes he is cuter and less threatening. Sometimes he wakes up in my bed and shouts epithets at his cat when he\u2019s really tired.<\/p>\n

After class, B, aka: the Slovak, and I go to the Christmas Markets in Old Town Square. The tree is magnificent and swaying in the high winds. There are huts selling everything from nuts and various goodies to decorations, candles, and jewelry. People are singing and drinking and warming up with hot Meade and mulled wine. The atmosphere is perfect for a holiday celebration.<\/p>\n

\u010cert is everywhere. He\u2019s walking around with the angel and Mikul\u00e1\u0161. He\u2019s snapping a whip at some kids here, he\u2019s stalking the base of the tree there. He\u2019s roaming in between the huts selling pork knees and trdeln\u00edk (a cinnamon pastry I\u2019d set your hair on fire for an unlimited supply of). While most people enjoy seeing him, he does seem to instill fear into others. Kids stare at him as though he\u2019s the boogeyman, which I guess he sort of is. And I realize that avoiding being dragged to Hell by a monster is pretty good reason to be good all year. Then I notice that I steer a bit clear of him, despite the fact that I have been very good and deserve my potatoes.<\/p>\n

Mikul\u00e1\u0161 Day is one of my favorite Czech festivals. It\u2019s a fascinating and unusual tradition. Moreover, it\u2019s fresh air after a lifetime of humdrum holiday traditions such as eating your aunt\u2019s Bundt cake, sitting on Santa\u2019s lap, and weathering Santa\u2019s anger when you accidentally pee. This day brings from the Czechs a genuine sense of holiday excitement and enjoyment.<\/p>\n

And of course we all know that nothing rings in the holiday season like the prospect of children getting dragged to Hell. When I started that sentence, it was ironic. But now, thinking of my morning class, I think I might wear my \u010cert outfit.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t have enough potatoes for everyone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s Thursday night, December 5th, and the girls in my late lesson are summarizing St. Mikul\u00e1\u0161\u2019 Day, which is tomorrow. So, on the night before, St. Mikul\u00e1\u0161 walks around and interrogates children as to whether they have been good or bad. If they have been good, then one of Mikul\u00e1\u0161\u2019 assistants \u2013 an angel \u2013 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1792","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-sU","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1792","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1792"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1792\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5433,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1792\/revisions\/5433"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1792"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1792"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1792"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}