{"id":1940,"date":"2014-03-20T09:53:32","date_gmt":"2014-03-20T08:53:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=1940"},"modified":"2015-11-01T12:24:16","modified_gmt":"2015-11-01T11:24:16","slug":"let-it-bleed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=1940","title":{"rendered":"Let it Bleed"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"40\/365\"<\/a>Evening class. Three students come in late, apologize profusely and offer chocolate. The students have found this is the only way to quell the demon I become when someone arrives late. I accept the booty and continue with the class.<\/p>\n

I set the chocolate down and play it cool. Don\u2019t want to scarf it down it ten seconds. Well, at least not with witnesses. As I breathe deeply to invite self-control, I notice that one of the girls has a band-aid in the middle of her forehead.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat happened?\u201d I ask.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am awkward,\u201d she answers.<\/p>\n

When I realize that this is the full extent of her answer, I nod gravely. I understand all too well. If bleeding were a contest, I\u2019d be covered in gold stars and ribbons and not just band aids, scrapes, and cuts. To the awkward girl, don\u2019t worry, here are some reasons I bleed more than a man not living in a combat zone should.<\/p>\n

In the first place, I am a Neanderthal. While most people have mastered the art of using a fork without drawing blood, I have not. I eat fast and stab hard and during a feeding I usually punch a hole into some body part that gets in the way: tongue, cheek, finger.<\/p>\n

So I am safe without a fork, you say. Oh heavens no. I am just as dangerous to my face and fingers when it comes to eating with my hands. Peanuts, French fries, and pretzels often (read: always) end with a one-handed grope for band aids. Why one-handed? Bleeding is never a reason to stop eating.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m also a restless sleeper. Most people find sleep to be the time when they are most relaxed, sedate and, well, immobile. I, however, apparently enjoy engaging in physical activities in my sleep. I lurch, toss and turn. My specialty seems to be throwing my knuckles into the wall or night table. The unlucky bleeding appendage is usually a knuckle, a finger nail, or \u2013 in one instance \u2013 my nipple.<\/p>\n

Like my student, I too am awkward. You\u2019d think a guy who\u2019s 5\u20197 (in heels) would be more balanced with a low center of gravity. But no. In fact, it\u2019s a cruel hereditary trick that I am 5\u20197 with the coordination of a guy who\u2019s 7\u20197. For this reason, I walk into stuff such as doors, tables, people, dogs, trams. Cutting vegetables and meat requires a pre-stock of tissues and Neosporin. I might be the only person I know who has a separate first aid kit in his kitchen.<\/p>\n

Finally, my cat is like a furry Hannibal Lecter. This is true. Ask anyone who\u2019s been to my house. The B Monster lulls you into a sense of calm with a sweet feline charm that draws the Aww, what a cute kitty<\/i> reaction. And just as you reach to pet her, she goes for the jugular screeching Have the lambs stopped screaming, Clarice?<\/i> She has lots of sharp pieces on her body, too, and many the morning I have walked out to work with a bleeding nose, a blood soaked shirt, or a band-aid over my eyebrow.<\/p>\n

As class continues, I mentally plan this blog post, glimpsing the poor girl and her bandaged forehead. I think to myself Poor girl, it\u2019s not going to get any better. Better stock up on those band aids.<\/i> So, to the awkward girl with the band-aid and all those who bleed more often than you should \u2013 I understand. Just let it bleed.<\/p>\n

And to show my solidarity, I open the chocolate and chomp right into my finger.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Evening class. Three students come in late, apologize profusely and offer chocolate. The students have found this is the only way to quell the demon I become when someone arrives late. I accept the booty and continue with the class. I set the chocolate down and play it cool. Don\u2019t want to scarf it down […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1940","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-vi","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1940","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1940"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1940\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2942,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1940\/revisions\/2942"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1940"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1940"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1940"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}