{"id":1948,"date":"2014-03-27T12:16:57","date_gmt":"2014-03-27T11:16:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=1948"},"modified":"2014-03-27T12:16:57","modified_gmt":"2014-03-27T11:16:57","slug":"o-blogger-where-art-thou","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=1948","title":{"rendered":"O Blogger, Where Art Thou"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Party<\/a>Every now and again, I go through the search engine entries on my blog to see how people find my blog. There are the obvious ones (my name + blog, my name + my book, hottest teacher in Cz Rep, short fat men who write, Bjork haters of the Czech Republic). Same old same old.<\/p>\n

But there are also weird ones, creepy ones, and downright inexplicable ones. This morning I go through the search engine entries that people have used in the last three months. Some of them elicit confusion \u2013 how did someone find me using that?<\/i> Some of them elicit a belly laugh, and some of them elicit an online search for bodyguards.<\/p>\n

Be scared, people; be very scared.<\/p>\n

Here are the top ten.<\/p>\n

Lady Boy Deaths <\/b><\/p>\n

See, this is one I just can\u2019t pinpoint to any one blog post. Moreover, why are people searching for lady boy deaths<\/i>? I don\u2019t post anything about lady boys dying and my position on lady boys has been clear from day one as there is a strict \u201cno killing lady boys\u201d policy at my blog. It should be mentioned that there are dozens of search entries featuring lady boys. Dozens.<\/p>\n

Bondage Barbie<\/b><\/p>\n

This is not confusing as much as it\u2019s amazing. How exactly did someone go back in time to when I was eleven years old and read my wish list to Santa? I\u2019m keeping my eyes peeled for the talking, life-size, anatomically correct Alyssa Milano doll I asked for when I was twelve.<\/p>\n

Galeone Porn (3)<\/b><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t get me wrong, I\u2019m flattered that someone wants Galeone porn. And not just someone, but three<\/i> someones. The problem \u2013 OK, one of the many problems \u2013 is that while in my mind the searchers are young, pretty women, in reality they are sweaty truck drivers in New Jersey named Bruce.<\/p>\n

Gay Blogspot Thong<\/b><\/p>\n

If someone had told me that I was writing a gay blog, well, I\u2019d have decorated better. NB: you have to bring your own thong.<\/p>\n

How to Give a Good Handjob<\/b><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know. I guess I\u2019m sort of<\/i> an expert at this\u2026<\/p>\n

Cartoon Pictures of Slaughtered Animals<\/b><\/p>\n

People. Stop doing drugs.<\/p>\n

Torture Damien (3)<\/b><\/p>\n

Again, that someone entered this into a search engine is not the craziest thing in the world. I am a jerk and I probably do deserve a good torture session at times. The disturbing part of this is that three people searched this in the last three months. I just hope they are not organized. Or my cat.<\/p>\n

Fat People Running<\/b><\/p>\n

I suppose we can chalk this one up to morbid curiosity. But should you really desire to see this, just walk along the Vltava River three mornings a week and I\u2019ll come huffing and puffing by at some point. Warning: If you make eye contact, I\u2019ll bite your leg.<\/p>\n

Little Lady Boy Guido<\/b><\/p>\n

Here\u2019s another from our lady boy series of searches, this one focuses it to include diminutive Italian Americans. While it does make me slightly uncomfortable that I embody almost all of those adjectives, I am happy to see that I\u2019m gaining readers who satisfy two gender categories at once. And maybe a third.<\/p>\n

Frog Bacon is There <\/b><\/p>\n

This is the most philosophical search entry for sure. Where is there? And why do they have frog bacon there?<\/p>\n

Conclusion<\/strong><\/p>\n

So, there it is, folks, a list of weird, wacky, and sometimes scary search entries. And you wonder why I\u2019m so paranoid? Now if you\u2019ll excuse me, I am going to buy a high-powered rifle and a German shepherd. Oh, and a thong.<\/p>\n

How about you? If you have a website, what are some of the weirdest search entries that you’ve seen?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Every now and again, I go through the search engine entries on my blog to see how people find my blog. There are the obvious ones (my name + blog, my name + my book, hottest teacher in Cz Rep, short fat men who write, Bjork haters of the Czech Republic). Same old same old. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1948","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-vq","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1948","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1948"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1948\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1949,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1948\/revisions\/1949"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1948"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1948"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1948"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}