{"id":2067,"date":"2014-06-19T10:17:10","date_gmt":"2014-06-19T08:17:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=2067"},"modified":"2024-07-23T09:31:17","modified_gmt":"2024-07-23T07:31:17","slug":"my-shite-list","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=2067","title":{"rendered":"My Shite List"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"The<\/a>People of Earth, I declare that I am a reasonably easygoing and friendly dude. But holy mother, you guys are good at pushing those limits of reason with your irritating habits and actions. And every once in a while a man has just got to get it off his chest how annoying you can all be. So, if your actions or habits resemble anything on this list, please consider changing your behavior.<\/p>\n

Tesco Shoppers<\/strong><\/p>\n

Every day I go shopping. And every day this happens. A man brings up 12 items, puts them down on the counter, and the cashier rings them through. The man watches. When the total comes, the man looks surprised, and then<\/em> he begins looking for money. Once he has searched for coins and my psychopathic rage is hovering up there with the Hubble, that\u2019s when he asks for a bag and starts bagging his groceries.<\/p>\n

I know. It\u2019s astounding. But, my dear Czech friend, you have to come to terms with the fact that every time \u2013 yes, every time \u2013 you purchase things at a shop, the cashier will ask you for money. It\u2019s remarkable, I know. How dare they! But the fact of the matter is, when you look stupefied by this action, I want to shove a bowling ball up your asshole and go for a 7-10 split.<\/p>\n

So, like the Boy Scouts of America, be prepared!<\/p>\n

People who Bring Babies to Restaurants<\/strong><\/p>\n

I know, I know. This is a very popular debate and I could give less than two shits about differing opinions on it. I have godsons, nephews, nieces, cousins and children of very close friends and I truly love them all. And when I go to a house that is being ruled by the poop factory, fire alarm poltergeist that is your baby, I invite the irritation.<\/p>\n

But \u2013 and it\u2019s a big but \u2013 when you bring it to a restaurant, then I hate you for having a baby there. Read again: I HATE YOU.<\/p>\n

I know this is hard to understand. You just brought that little miracle into the world, how could anybody on Earth possibly find its shrieking and wailing unpleasant? How?<\/p>\n

Please get this to your mind: nobody \u2013 I repeat, nobody \u2013 in the room, restaurant, pub, or caf\u00e9 that you are in finds your baby\u2019s verbal emissions charming. No one. And if they do, then they are idiots.<\/p>\n

Facebook Passive Aggressive<\/strong><\/p>\n

Stop. You know who you are. And just stop.<\/p>\n

You don\u2019t tell me what to do! I am a person with my own brain and if you think you are gonna disrespect me then you are wrong.<\/em> (392 likes)<\/p>\n

Oh Christ. We get it. We all know that someone pissed you off and no, we don\u2019t know who it is. But I think I join most of the other people on Facebook when I advise you to grow a pair and SAY SOMETHING TO THEM! Oh, this also goes for Facebook Melodramatic, Facebook sappy, and (worst of all) Facebook Mopey.<\/p>\n

Just. Stop.<\/p>\n

Mobile Morons<\/strong><\/p>\n

In the last few minutes of a final lesson with a group last week, we started talking about their future plans. There seemed to be a lot of uncertainty and fear, as they were about to leave university and step into the real world. As a dude who has sort of lived in the real world for a while, I gave a little advice and just when it seemed that the students were really getting into my advice, someone\u2019s mobile phone went off. The ring tone was something last heard at LSD night in Studio 54 and it was at a volume that could be heard in the Kremlin. Fortunately, the mobile was buried somewhere in her enormous sack, so it took her the better part of a minute to find it.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s OK,\u201d I told her, \u201cI really wanted an air raid siren to go off during that talk.\u201d<\/p>\n

People, your mobile does not entitle you to disregard the people who share the space around you. It a true test of someone\u2019s respect for those around him or her is how they handle the awesome responsibility that is mobile phone ownership.<\/p>\n

Sadly, 85% of you are failing that test.<\/p>\n

Who’s on your shite list?\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

People of Earth, I declare that I am a reasonably easygoing and friendly dude. But holy mother, you guys are good at pushing those limits of reason with your irritating habits and actions. And every once in a while a man has just got to get it off his chest how annoying you can all […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2067","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-xl","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2067","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2067"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2067\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2070,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2067\/revisions\/2070"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2067"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2067"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2067"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}