{"id":2230,"date":"2014-10-16T14:08:44","date_gmt":"2014-10-16T12:08:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=2230"},"modified":"2015-11-01T12:21:55","modified_gmt":"2015-11-01T11:21:55","slug":"five-ways-to-look-stupid-in-public","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=2230","title":{"rendered":"Five Ways to Look Stupid in Public"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"stupid\"<\/a>It\u2019s amazing how many opportunities there are to look like an idiot in public. Now, if you\u2019re an idiot everywhere \u2013 in private, in your bathroom, at work \u2013 then there\u2019s a solid chance you\u2019re going to look really stupid in public at some point. Also, if you regularly urinate in your pants on the tram or pick half-eaten hotdogs out of the trash, this list isn’t for you. This list is for you normal(ish) folks who occasionally look like schmucks for some random anomaly.<\/p>\n

Wrong Door<\/strong><\/p>\n

Trying to go in through the out door or vice-versa is a minor blow to anyone’s ego. This is probably because such an elementary task should be executed with little to no problem.<\/p>\n

We all know the feeling, too. Walking up to this door, not even thinking, your brain on autopilot, pushing the door, pushing it again, and then doing the \u2018where is the door I need\u2019 look around the room. Then the sheepish exit.<\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t matter how well dressed or how attractive, as you leave the room people strip 30 points off of your possible IQ.<\/p>\n

Natural Predators<\/strong><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t kill spiders in my flat anymore. I have simply allowed my house to become a thriving ecosystem. The spiders kill the flies and the mosquitoes and as long as they stay in their corners life is good. If they draw too close, then the cat gets them. The circle of life.<\/p>\n

I have made my peace with spiders in my house, which is my turf. But I still bump into free range spiders unexpectedly in public (in Prague \u2018unexpectedly\u2019 means forty to fifty times a day). Upon this, I typically shriek, moan, or make another sound I\u2019d otherwise wish I could erase from everyone\u2019s memory.<\/p>\n

If your natural predator is the Koala and you live in Dayton, you\u2019re fine. Otherwise, just be prepared to look like a schmuck.<\/p>\n

Talk to Yourself<\/strong><\/p>\n

I am not crazy. But. I have long since found that when I have an issue or a problem, I can\u2019t sit quietly and ponder it like others. I need to verbally walk myself through the differing angles of the issue. Often I do this while I walk.<\/p>\n

Again, I am not crazy. But. When you get caught talking to yourself in public, you look like a crazy person. You can be wearing OR scrubs and carrying around your med school diploma, and you still look crazy. Which I\u2019m not.<\/p>\n

Argue with Your Parents<\/strong><\/p>\n

There is nothing on this Earth that will degenerate the maturity of a grown adult more than being in an argument with their parents.
\nWhen this degeneration takes place in public, it only means an audience for the explosion of ancient issues and pent-up baggage that comes out of your face. If it\u2019s a really good rant, you might even pout and stomp your feet.<\/p>\n

The only solace is that if those around you figure out that the older people mentally torturing you in public are your parents, they will forgive you.<\/p>\n

Smile<\/strong><\/p>\n

Yes, I live in the Czech Republic. Oh, we here in Prague all smile and laugh here at certain things. A drunken German tourist gets pickpocketed. Hilarious. An old woman beats a drunk homeless guy with her shopping bag. Stitches.<\/p>\n

I am talking about someone smiling in public for no particular reason. Warmly. The average Czech will think you have fallen off your rocker. They will recoil in horror. And that’s when you wink at them.<\/p>\n

My normal(ish) friends, what is your trademark way of looking stupid in public?<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s amazing how many opportunities there are to look like an idiot in public. Now, if you\u2019re an idiot everywhere \u2013 in private, in your bathroom, at work \u2013 then there\u2019s a solid chance you\u2019re going to look really stupid in public at some point. Also, if you regularly urinate in your pants on the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2230","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-zY","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2230","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2230"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2230\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2236,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2230\/revisions\/2236"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2230"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2230"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2230"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}