{"id":2365,"date":"2015-01-01T12:33:51","date_gmt":"2015-01-01T11:33:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=2365"},"modified":"2024-07-23T09:30:06","modified_gmt":"2024-07-23T07:30:06","slug":"2015-bucket-list","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=2365","title":{"rendered":"2015 Bucket List"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"my<\/a>It is the first day of 2015. On this day countless people are embarking on life changes, resolutions, and goals. They are gazing blearily at a list of health food, dusting off the treadmill, or throwing away the half-empty pack of cigarettes.<\/p>\n

And they are miserable.<\/p>\n

If you brought in the New Year in a similar fashion to me, your only resolution is to get through the day without your eyeballs exploding. Therefore you are incapable of latching onto any real goals or resolutions. All I can muster this morning is a few small items that I\u2019d like to attain throughout the year. My 2015 bucket list. This bucket list isn\u2019t necessarily about exotic locales and experiences; it\u2019s more about seeing if I can pull some of this shit off.<\/p>\n

In 2015, I will eat an entire wild boar, including the shotgun pellets.<\/p>\n

I will kiss a spider on the face. A big spider. One with eight whole hairy legs and a bad attitude.<\/p>\n

I will ask a tall woman on a date. And on that date we will play basketball or go apple picking. Depending on the woman, I might ask her to carry me around in that thing that Chewbacca carried C3PO around in after he got blasted by that stormtrooper.<\/p>\n

I will read an entire book in 24 hours. In bed. And it\u2019ll be a Russian book, with lots of death and silence and description of rivers and Cossacks.<\/p>\n

I will learn to say the equivalent idiom of \u201cit\u2019s all Greek to me\u201d in every language on Earth. And maybe Klingon. In case you\u2019re wondering why I don\u2019t just enter \u201cit\u2019s all Greek to me\u201d into Google translate and having at it, the equivalent idiom is different in every language. In Czech it\u2019s \u201cje to \u0160pan\u011blska vesnice.\u201d It\u2019s a Spanish village.<\/em><\/p>\n

I will figure out the murderer on Lewis<\/em> before they tell me at the end.<\/p>\n

I will hold a conversation in Czech without accidentally saying something vulgar. In a related bucket list item, I will say something vulgar in Czech on purpose to a high-ranking politician.<\/p>\n

I will teach my cat to respect testicles.<\/p>\n

I will learn the exact whereabouts of Carmen Sandiego.<\/p>\n

I will understand the appeal of having kids.<\/p>\n

I will actively not produce one.<\/p>\n

I will figure out what my cat is looking at when she freaks out and stares at the wall behind me.<\/p>\n

I will open a window on the tram and I will make the Czechs enjoy it.<\/p>\n

I will not say “You idiot! Why are you doing that!?” during an episode of The Walking Dead<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I will throttle my neighbor during his next Ace of Base marathon. The same goes for his Britney Spears, Debbie Gibson, or Sister Souljah marathons.<\/p>\n

And I will teach an entire 90 minute lesson without a student looking at their phone. If I can pull this off somehow, I\u2019ll write a book on how I did it and make a million dollars.<\/p>\n

And thee, my friends? What’s on your bucket list for the year? <\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It is the first day of 2015. On this day countless people are embarking on life changes, resolutions, and goals. They are gazing blearily at a list of health food, dusting off the treadmill, or throwing away the half-empty pack of cigarettes. And they are miserable. If you brought in the New Year in a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2365","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-C9","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2365","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2365"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2365\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6080,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2365\/revisions\/6080"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2365"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2365"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2365"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}