{"id":2535,"date":"2015-04-02T10:16:09","date_gmt":"2015-04-02T08:16:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=2535"},"modified":"2021-06-21T10:29:47","modified_gmt":"2021-06-21T08:29:47","slug":"you-have-the-right-to-remain-weird","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=2535","title":{"rendered":"You Have the Right to Remain Weird"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"sam<\/a>If you\u2019re anything like me, then may Dog have mercy on your soul. Also, you probably do a lot of weird things throughout your day. You might sing to an animal, apologize to furniture you just knocked into, or time how long you pee.<\/p>\n

Hypothetically.<\/p>\n

Also, if you\u2019re anything like me, then you sometimes pause and say (to a nearby lamppost): \u201cHoly crap, I’m weird. No normal adult does this stuff; what the hell is wrong with me?\u201d And then you envision any number of scenarios in which a counsel of your ex-partners will judge you in every way.<\/p>\n

Relax.<\/p>\n

Being weird is your birthright. Being weird is fun and it makes you smile or feel more comfortable somehow. Besides, if you didn\u2019t do something a little weird every day, how would you know what normal was, right? In commiseration with your weirdness, here are a few weird things that many of us weirdos are doing.<\/p>\n

Read, relax, and most of all, call a doctor if you pee in less than ten seconds spurts.<\/p>\n

Caught<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m going to assume you talk to yourself at least sometimes. And since talking to yourself and walking go together like bourbon and anger, you sometimes get caught by a random stranger. Us self-talkers all know the I\u2019ll just keep my distance<\/em> look.<\/p>\n

Though there is no real way to convince someone you weren\u2019t just totally winning an argument in your head with an ex, do you start humming or pretend that you are singing along to a song?<\/p>\n

Cause if you do, I understand.<\/p>\n

Rehearsal<\/strong><\/p>\n

Last night, to pass time while cleaning my bathroom, I had both sides of an interview with David Letterman. I was funny, witty, and self-deprecating. It was a good interview. I was asked back. I had no clip.<\/p>\n

And I\u2019m betting you have done this.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve rehearsed all sorts of conversations. From those that might occur in the real world \u2013 a funny story for a date, an argument with the boss, to those that will never, ever take place \u2013 late night talk show interview, SNL monologue, running the Sorting Ceremony at Hogwarts.<\/p>\n

If you do this, fret not. It\u2019s all part of playing out those little fantasies in your head. You know, legally.<\/p>\n

Worst Case Scenario \u2013 Email<\/strong><\/p>\n

There is no worse moment than the split second an important email sends. Panic ensues. You become certain that you have just sent your boss the unretractable.<\/p>\n

This is why I instantly reread every important or official email I send. I do it in a pit of anxiety and horror, expecting to see the worst.<\/p>\n

If it\u2019s an email with some anger or irritation behind it, I always expect to see that I have accidentally slipped in a miffed phrase like piss off, gizzard ass<\/em>. If it\u2019s an email to another official person or office, I simply expect that I have somehow attached a nude picture or mixed it up with a naughty email meant for someone else.<\/p>\n

If you do this too, I am available for proofreading services.<\/p>\n

Pretend<\/strong><\/p>\n

Do you ever pretend you are in a horror film or an action film? Are zombies bearing down on you as you fiddle with your keys and try to open your door at night? Does a walk through the train station ever become a chase scene in a spy film?<\/p>\n

Come on, admit it.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve never practiced an interrogation with the police then I don\u2019t even want to know you.<\/p>\n

I bet that you have done – or do – at least one or two of the things on this list. If you do, just relax and embrace your weirdness. And if you ever end up on the Letterman show, you better plug this blog.<\/p>\n

What else do you weirdos do?<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you\u2019re anything like me, then may Dog have mercy on your soul. Also, you probably do a lot of weird things throughout your day. You might sing to an animal, apologize to furniture you just knocked into, or time how long you pee. Hypothetically. Also, if you\u2019re anything like me, then you sometimes pause […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2535","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-ET","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2535","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2535"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2535\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5296,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2535\/revisions\/5296"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2535"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2535"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2535"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}