{"id":330,"date":"2011-09-15T16:05:23","date_gmt":"2011-09-15T14:05:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=330"},"modified":"2012-09-23T18:33:46","modified_gmt":"2012-09-23T16:33:46","slug":"beware-the-candy-store","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=330","title":{"rendered":"Beware The Candy Store!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Nestle<\/a>So I\u2019m walking around IP Pavlova, enjoying the sights and sounds that grace this section of Prague. Beautiful women are interspersed with hammered winos and the occasional excitement of a bum fight. Children beg cigarettes from a woman whose dress is so short that it is unclear whether her barely hidden goodies are available for a small sum of Koruna. The kids then step into the local herna \u2013 casino \u2013 for reasons better left unknown.<\/p>\n

And then, standing on a corner like an oasis of tooth-rotting, diabetic love I see a new shop \u2013 The Candy Store.<\/p>\n

I press my nose to the glass, disbelieving the assortment of foods in front of me \u2013 Reese\u2019s Peanut Butter Cups, Butterfingers, A&W root beer, Doritos. I feel my pulse on the way in; I may have had a stroke. I run around the shop giggling like an idiot and grabbing items like I\u2019m a contestant on Shop \u2018til You Drop.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s too much to take in and then I want to leave. Halfway down the road I\u2019m having junk food pangs, so I buy a Eurodog at a stand to pacify my cravings. It works.<\/p>\n

Later on, as I\u2019m suffering from post-Eurodog indigestion, I wonder what made me leave the Candy Store sans yummies.<\/p>\n

My life as an expatriate living in Prague is wonderful. It is also full of tiny efforts to keep connected to the U.S. in some ways. This is easier now than it used to be, with modern technology I can chat with family on Skype and watch my favorite housewife-themed reality TV shows. But primarily, I try to keep in touch with the U.S. in two ways \u2013 food and baseball.<\/p>\n

Upon my return from the U.S. in August, I called a meeting of the expats \u2013 well, the two who talk to me, anyway. Collin and PJ met me at the favorite pub and they entered with the pass phrase of the week \u2013 Open Window. I spoke lasciviously about the cheesesteaks, free tap water and New York pizza, and they gathered round me as if they were trapped in Stalag 17 and I was bringing news from the outside.<\/p>\n

When a care package arrives, PJ, Collin and I gather round chocolates with peanut butter as if they are the lost ark. A packet of Tastycakes or Krimpets sends us into throes of gustatory ecstasy last experienced at one of Caligula\u2019s orgies.<\/p>\n

One who doesn\u2019t share his booty is verbally flogged. The others silently agree that the withholder will serve as the evening\u2019s major butt of jokes. Though the details are esoteric, we once made Collin cry. The next day he offered chocolate chip cookies for his reinstatement to our deranged gang.<\/p>\n

His application was successful.<\/p>\n

Baseball is the pinnacle of these desperate gambits in my expatriate life. In previous years, before watching games online was possible, playoffs meant waking up at 1 a.m. and watching games at small bars that would allow us. This is not an easy request in Prague, where waiters and waitresses have perfected the phrase \u201cNot on your life, you fat bastard expat.\u201d<\/p>\n

During the playoffs in 2008 and 2009 I was getting home at 8 a.m. on weekends, then getting up to prepare grammar lessons. This shouldn\u2019t be a lifestyle as much as it should be a medieval punishment for stealing goats.<\/p>\n

During the week it wasn\u2019t possible to watch a game that ended at 5 a.m. when I had to teach at 7 a.m.<\/p>\n

One night in late October 2008, the phone rang on my nightstand. I was rocked out of a dream concerning me and a blue werewolf named Alfred. The clock read: 4:21 a.m.; something bad must have happened.<\/p>\n

I picked up, \u201cWho\u2019s dead?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, nobody,\u201d PJ said, \u201cThe Phillies won the World Series, just thought you\u2019d like to know.\u201d Though he was delivering exhilarating news, his voice was flat with the intoxication of exhaustion.<\/p>\n

\u201cMazel tov,\u201d I said, using the same tone.<\/p>\n

He replied, \u201cMazel tov.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNow, go the fuck to bed,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood night.\u201d<\/p>\n

So as I suffer through my Eurodog pains, I realize why the Candy Store with all of its glory sets off a red flag in my head.<\/p>\n

Not having things is kind of fun.<\/p>\n

Even though we don\u2019t have access to Reese\u2019s Peanut Butter Cups, dill pickles, Butterfingers and Fruit Loops, it makes things a little more adventurous. It makes living in Prague a little more exciting and exotic than living in Langhorne, PA, or Green Bay, WI.<\/p>\n

Access to these things is going to remove that little excitement. And soon I\u2019ll lose the pleasure of my pre-visit meal and junk food planning. And I\u2019ll lose the fun of running around in the middle of the night looking for the one pub that\u2019ll put the game on for us. And it won\u2019t mean that much when one of us brings back a bag of goodies and shares them.<\/p>\n

It gives our boring lives an otherwise exotic flair to it.<\/p>\n

This being said, if anyone in the U.S. (mom) wants to send me some dill pickles or a cheesesteak, I\u2019ll post my address.<\/p>\n

If you live abroad, what do you miss most about living in the U.S.? If you\u2019re not abroad, same question, but hypothetical.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So I\u2019m walking around IP Pavlova, enjoying the sights and sounds that grace this section of Prague. Beautiful women are interspersed with hammered winos and the occasional excitement of a bum fight. Children beg cigarettes from a woman whose dress is so short that it is unclear whether her barely hidden goodies are available for […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-330","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-5k","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/330","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=330"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/330\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":934,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/330\/revisions\/934"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=330"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=330"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=330"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}