{"id":3301,"date":"2016-05-26T10:58:38","date_gmt":"2016-05-26T08:58:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=3301"},"modified":"2019-02-04T11:51:00","modified_gmt":"2019-02-04T10:51:00","slug":"the-most-annoyingly-hipstery-things-that-have-come-out-of-my-mouth-this-month","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=3301","title":{"rendered":"The Most Annoyingly Hipstery Things That Have Come out of My Mouth This Month"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"hipster\"<\/a>I am a normal schmuck. I do normal schmuck things like drink too much on a Tuesday, binge watch TV shows, and tell ten to twelve lies a day. Moreover, I surround myself with normal schmucks, they do normal schmuck things too. Sometimes we do them together.<\/p>\n

Though some out there might disagree with \u201cnormal,\u201d one thing\u2019s for sure: I am not a hipster. I couldn\u2019t be one. I can\u2019t wear skinny jeans without getting a stomachache and everyone has heard of my favorite bands.<\/p>\n

That said, I have no problems with hipsters. There are lots of them in Prague and despite all the anger and hype against them, in general I have found them to be a friendly, good-humored crowd of people. Besides, I have always had a soft spot for dorky glasses.<\/p>\n

But \u201chipstery\u201d is different. When something is hipstery \u2013 an article of clothing, a flavor of water, a band \u2013 we are placing it on a list of things that make us roll our eyes and yet whose irritative agent is not fully explicable. It’s one of those “I know it when I see it” sort of things.<\/p>\n

When it comes to things people say, \u201chipstery\u201d is an enormously applicable term. Sometimes a person comes out with a statement, complaint, or question so inherently “hipstery” that it elicits an eye roll and a spark of inexplicable irritation. And yet if we were asked to write a paragraph on why, we probably wouldn\u2019t be able to clearly pinpoint the reason for our irritation.<\/p>\n

For example, read these three sentences pulled right off of the website Stuff Hipsters Say<\/em>:<\/p>\n

My music doesn\u2019t really have a genre, but if you had to define it, I guess you\u2019d call it \u201corganic garage.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n

When I die I\u2019m leaving my body to art<\/em><\/p>\n

Lana Del Rey is one of the best musical exponents of her generation.  <\/em><\/p>\n

Now, tell me you didn\u2019t roll your eyes once and I\u2019ll come to your house and sing you a Lana Del Rey song in the organic garage genre.<\/p>\n

Now, seeing as I am a normal schmuck who gets annoyed by hipstery quotes, it surprised me a month or so ago when I realized I had said something that clearly fell under the category of “hipstery.\u201d I jotted it down in my moleskine (totally hipstery), and decided to keep notes. At the end of the month I was annoyed with myself. I was also depressed and, to be honest, even thought I should go get some skinny jeans.<\/p>\n

Here is a list of the most hipstery things that have come out of my mouth in the last month.<\/p>\n

If you take care of your phalanges, they will take care of you. <\/em>(arggggghhhhh)<\/p>\n

We need a place to get organic blueberries.<\/em>(I’ll leave out the didactic lecture on superfoods. It’s just too painful to see in print.)<\/p>\n

I am, like, so addicted to my French Press at the moment.<\/em> (This is just the truth. I am telling everyone with ears.)<\/p>\n

The first thing I do each morning is drink lemon water and just sit.<\/em>(When did I start channeling Jaden Smith?)<\/p>\n

I\u2019d prefer the organic alternative to that if possible.<\/em><\/p>\n

This hummus needs more cilantro.<\/em><\/p>\n

I typically go veggie one day a week or so.<\/em> (This one made me want to kick my own ass)<\/p>\n

Whenever I crave bread, I just eat some broccoli instead. I dip it in hummus. <\/em>(Wherever my dad was when I said this he had a sharp pain in his stomach. Because he died a little inside.)
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

No no, it\u2019s just a pressure headache.<\/em> (OK, not hipstery as much as Czech, but still. A pressure headache.)<\/p>\n

That kind of attitude in this discussion is not healthy.<\/em><\/p>\n

There\u2019s some bad energy in here. <\/em>(Could someone please mail me a set of male genitalia?)<\/p>\n

I need to get some snacks for my cat, I think I hurt her feelings this morning. <\/em>(Yeah. Nobody comes off looking good in this one. I might need to move to a cave in the mountains. Which would be, ironically, hipstery.)<\/p>\n

You just can\u2019t get good avocados around here.<\/em> (Well. You can’t)<\/p>\n

How can they serve this without water chestnuts? <\/em>(Right about those male genitalia…the address is\u2026)<\/p>\n

What the hell happened to me?<\/p>\n

It would make me feel much better if some of you would send me the most hipstery things you can remember saying. Then we can start a support group. We’ll serve organic everything and I’ll bring the broccoli and the cilantro hummus.<\/p>\n

And my French press, obviously.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am a normal schmuck. I do normal schmuck things like drink too much on a Tuesday, binge watch TV shows, and tell ten to twelve lies a day. Moreover, I surround myself with normal schmucks, they do normal schmuck things too. Sometimes we do them together. Though some out there might disagree with \u201cnormal,\u201d […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3302,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3301","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/damiengaleone.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/hipster.jpg?fit=468%2C601&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-Rf","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3301","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3301"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3301\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4622,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3301\/revisions\/4622"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3302"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3301"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3301"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3301"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}