{"id":3869,"date":"2017-06-12T09:22:22","date_gmt":"2017-06-12T07:22:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=3869"},"modified":"2019-02-04T11:55:10","modified_gmt":"2019-02-04T10:55:10","slug":"how-to-be-british","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=3869","title":{"rendered":"How to be British"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>

Me Beneath an Insanely Accurate Sign<\/p><\/div>\n

As part of a summer English course run through a local Czech newspaper, I wrote a series of fictional blog posts in which I assume the identity of a British expatriate. Once you\u2019ve stopped snickering, you can imagine that this was rather challenging. Like any writer worth his salt, I had to know my subject and that meant brushing up on what it means to be British.<\/p>\n

First off, I thought about the British in my life. A lot of my entertainment intake is British, for example my preferred crime solvers, Lewis<\/em>, Morse<\/em>, and Sherlock<\/em>. There are times I\u2019ve thought Bernard Black was my spirit animal. After I finally understood the accents, I started laughing my ass off at every episode of Spaced<\/em>.<\/p>\n

As a majority of the ESL course books teach British English, I\u2019ve had plenty of time to get used to it. There\u2019s the horrendous u (as in colour), and the tragedy that is \u2013re (as in centre. disgusting). I changed my prepositions and my collating verbs, so instead of taking a walk on Main Street<\/em>, I had a walk in the High Street<\/em>. I already said lifts and flats, but knew I had to be careful with a substantial range of lexicon, like autumn, hob, and bugger.<\/p>\n

But being British is more than words and language. I sat down with a cup of coffee and a notebook and pen and brainstormed a list. How to be British<\/em>. With little to go on, I then looked up an article on The Guardian which offered tips. This put my mind at ease, since it appeared that I was already a bit British. I never accept a compliment without immediately self-deprecating, the very thought of someone jumping a queue makes me want to immolate them, and yet instead of acting on those impulses, I instead glare at their neck and imagine their biscuits snapping off and settling on the bottom of their tea.<\/p>\n

However, a How British are You<\/em> test on The Guardian suggested that I was abjectly American. (Who the hell is Emmeline Pankhurst and what the\u2026bloody hell is Mr. Whipple ice cream?) Still, cultural understanding is more than a recitation of trivia or facts, so I decided to step up my game for a few weeks in cultural understanding.<\/p>\n

First of all, this meant immersing myself in the linguistic world of the indirect. When given a chance to reply in a situation, I dallied in subtext rather than the direct approach usually taken by Americans. When my boss asked if I could join some teachers for an evening drink, I replied: \u201cWell, I suppose that\u2019s a possibility.\u201d When pressed a bit further, I suggested that \u201cit was certainly an interesting plan.\u201d By the time she was ready to fire me for annoying evasiveness, I finally requested that she post pictures on Facebook.<\/p>\n

Mostly I worked on awkwardness, which the British work in the way other artists use oils or interpretive dance. When a shop keeper in my neighborhood didn\u2019t understand my Czech I decided that I had to move to another part of the city. I saw some students in public one day and waved as I walked into a telephone pole, and of course I knew I had to get a new job and maybe change my name at the embassy. I bumped into a former (British) colleague on the tram and forgetting my new British habits, I slipped into my American way and accidentally made eye contact. She, being British, handled it like a pro, smiled at me and then made a B line for the farthest seat from me. It was there that she buried her face in a book and, I assume, vowed never to take public transport again. Just as I was doing.<\/p>\n

At the end of the project, I was confident in my development. I mean, I couldn\u2019t drink tea, but I did hold a teabag for twenty seconds, so I\u2019m counting it. Also, I have no idea how people can find The League of Gentlemen<\/em> funny, but I see this as a point in my favour. When the contact person at the newspaper said how much she enjoyed the articles, I went red-faced and said, \u201cWell, I suppose we all get lucky now and then.\u201d She reiterated her point, and I thanked her. Then decided to change jobs. Forever.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As part of a summer English course run through a local Czech newspaper, I wrote a series of fictional blog posts in which I assume the identity of a British expatriate. Once you\u2019ve stopped snickering, you can imagine that this was rather challenging. Like any writer worth his salt, I had to know my subject […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3870,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3869","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/damiengaleone.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/Being-British.jpg?fit=452%2C960&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-10p","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3869","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3869"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3869\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4632,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3869\/revisions\/4632"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3870"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3869"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3869"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3869"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}