{"id":4293,"date":"2018-03-15T10:05:54","date_gmt":"2018-03-15T09:05:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=4293"},"modified":"2022-11-01T06:31:37","modified_gmt":"2022-11-01T05:31:37","slug":"life-headlines","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=4293","title":{"rendered":"Life Headlines"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>We are all the heroes of our own story. And in our fantasies, news headlines reveal just that about us. Man Saves Family from Fire; Penguin Publishes Manuscript Found in Garbage, Becomes Instant Classic; Man, Though not Classically Attractive, Rated on Personality and Immediately Named Time Magazine\u2019s Man of the Year and Sexiest Man Alive. <\/em><\/p>\n

In our faceless way, we rock! And we want the world to know it.<\/p>\n

But if there\u2019s one horrifying reality, it\u2019s that we are mostly mundane little creatures. And while our oddities, day to day struggles, and epiphanies mean a great deal to us, they wouldn\u2019t amount to much when headlined on the New York Times.<\/p>\n

Man Sends Colleague Irritated Text in Meeting that could have been (short) Email<\/p>\n

Man Horrified to Learn that his Cat Posts aren\u2019t Seen as Ironic by Bulk of Friends<\/p>\n

Man Constantly Worries about Accidentally Sending Dick Pic to Entire Contacts List<\/p>\n

Man Flays Boss in Mock Argument in Shower<\/p>\n

Man Constantly Thanks Deity he Doesn’t Believe in that Nobody can Read his Mind<\/p>\n

Man Occasionally Mentions Passing Interest in Birds to Make Himself More Sophisticated<\/p>\n

Man Breathes Deeply when Burrito Loco is out of Wraps: Pretends Zen Attitude, but Really Afraid of Ending up in Viral Video<\/p>\n

Man Thinks Joking about Practicing Casual Conversation Makes it Less Insane<\/p>\n

Man Almost Loses Eye after Biting Cat\u2019s Tail<\/p>\n

Man Goes Berserk in Toilet after Boss Asks about Email she\u2019d Sent Twenty Minutes Before<\/p>\n

Man Realizes he Doesn\u2019t Hate Taylor Swift after Hearing One of her Songs<\/p>\n

Study Shows Man Understands Significance of Cultural Sayings Seven Years after Significant: True Story<\/p>\n

Man Hums to Warn Urinators that He\u2019s Pooping in Stall<\/p>\n

Man Dreams of Bludgeoning Czech Clerk to Death with her Own Stamp<\/p>\n

Man, 43, Stunned that Airplane Lifts off<\/p>\n

Incensed Man Writes Blog after Realizing he only Gets about Thirty Facebook Friends in Feed: Facebook Does Not React<\/p>\n

Man Suffers Nervous Breakdown after Students Refuse to use Target Language<\/p>\n

Man Disillusioned after Mark Hamill Doesn\u2019t Send him a Birthday Tweet<\/p>\n

November 8th<\/sup>: Man Shaves Mustache after Nobody Realizes he\u2019s Being Ironic<\/p>\n

Man Feels Satisfied after Doing Laundry and Food Shopping on one Saturday; Will Reward Self with Reading and Maybe a Beer Later<\/p>\n

What would be your life’s headlines?<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We are all the heroes of our own story. And in our fantasies, news headlines reveal just that about us. Man Saves Family from Fire; Penguin Publishes Manuscript Found in Garbage, Becomes Instant Classic; Man, Though not Classically Attractive, Rated on Personality and Immediately Named Time Magazine\u2019s Man of the Year and Sexiest Man Alive. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4294,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4293","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/damiengaleone.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/omg.jpg?fit=326%2C154&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-17f","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4293","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4293"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4293\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5691,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4293\/revisions\/5691"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4294"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4293"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4293"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4293"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}