{"id":435,"date":"2011-10-27T10:42:32","date_gmt":"2011-10-27T08:42:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=435"},"modified":"2012-10-07T12:59:46","modified_gmt":"2012-10-07T10:59:46","slug":"clue-classroom-edition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=435","title":{"rendered":"Clue: Classroom Edition"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Miss<\/a>Scenario and Specifications:<\/strong> Student R has been missing since the end of his Wednesday morning English lesson during which he offends every student in the class as well as Teacher X. R is a fat man and insolent in manner. His voice gives off the same effect as a Gilbert Godfrey aria and his dental hygiene leaves much to be desired. He is in class with four female students who are studying for a high-level standardized English exam.<\/p>\n

Murder is assumed.<\/p>\n

Stage<\/strong>: Classroom **4 at the Gigglesworth *&#^^#it*ity in a small, central (or eastern) European city. Nota Bene: This depends on your view of what constitutes a central or eastern European state in post 1991 Europe. Determining factors: There is a McDonald\u2019s, legal prostitution and no ban on smoking in pubs. David Hasselhoff is not popular here.<\/p>\n

Suspects<\/strong>: One teacher and five students, including the infamous R, who owns (at his own admission) a straight razor. The other four students are females ranging in age from 18 to 36. Teacher X is notoriously irritable, a recent Magellan enthusiast, and handsome in a Middle Earth mien. All names have been initialized to protect the innocent and to save my furry hide from retribution. Plus, my memory is bad.<\/p>\n

Suspects Interactions with victim and Weapons:<\/strong><\/p>\n

1.<\/strong> L: Ipod<\/p>\n

R: \u201cFat is a compliment!\u201d Eyes her up and down, and adds, \u201cUsually.\u201d<\/p>\n

NB: Current discussion topic is Silicon Valley and L gave birth eight months ago.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

2.<\/strong> M: Pencil<\/p>\n

R: \u201cDye jobs are for old women.\u201d<\/p>\n

M: \u201cOld? I am not old!\u201d<\/p>\n

R: How old are you?\u201d (strained violin concerto denoting impending doom)<\/p>\n

M: \u201cI will be thirty in ten days.\u201d<\/p>\n

R: Nods, \u201cIt to here figures.\u201d (sic)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

3.<\/strong> Z: Hairpin<\/p>\n

R: \u201cYour weak (thinning) hair situaze is what I empathize to.\u201d He rubs his balding dome.<\/p>\n

Z: \u201cuh\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

R: \u201cMy girlfriend has all the thick hair and spend many long time in bathroom in morning.\u201d<\/p>\n

Z: \u201cCan you tell me about global warming?\u201d<\/p>\n

R: \u201cI am are the jealous of youz. Maybe youz is single? Haha\u201d<\/p>\n

Z: (sprinting from room) \u201cUgrrgr \u2013 unintelligible swearing.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

4<\/strong>. F: Coursebook (heavy)<\/p>\n

R: \u201cWhere for you did learn English? It is horrible?\u201d<\/p>\n

F: \u201cI have been learning English for fifteen years. And you?\u201d (NB: F is fluent and teaches English)<\/p>\n

R: \u201cOh, you will had had bad teacher. Your English is poorly.\u201d<\/p>\n

F: \u201cI\u2019m an English teacher and your English is shit.\u201d<\/p>\n

R: \u201cHaha.\u201d Pats her arm. \u201cYour students are the slowly ones, I understands.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

5.<\/strong> X (teacher): White Board Markers<\/p>\n

R: \u201cYou need help with the class. And I can put it.\u201d<\/p>\n

X: \u201cThank you, but no. Tell me about the\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

R: \u201cIt OK, you no good, but I can put the help. Haha! Did you motherz give you the shirt with some soup?\u201d<\/p>\n

NB: I am wearing my favorite shirt, which my mother in fact give me and with which I did not receive any soup.<\/p>\n

X: \u201cGet the (unpublishable) back in your (Nothing happening here) seat, before I (happy squirrels and rabbits) you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Summary:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Class ends and R steps out to the bathroom amid his own gaudy laughter and, adding insult to injury, leaves us with a gaseous gift. The rest of us move quickly out of the room and chat about homework and exchange shifty glances. At the lift R reappears just as the lift does and says “Ah yes, well, I shall be the most prettiest person on the lift once ever.”<\/p>\n

He is never seen again.<\/p>\n

So, who dunnit?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Scenario and Specifications: Student R has been missing since the end of his Wednesday morning English lesson during which he offends every student in the class as well as Teacher X. R is a fat man and insolent in manner. His voice gives off the same effect as a Gilbert Godfrey aria and his dental […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-435","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-71","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/435","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=435"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/435\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":959,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/435\/revisions\/959"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=435"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=435"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=435"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}