{"id":455,"date":"2011-11-03T12:40:30","date_gmt":"2011-11-03T11:40:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=455"},"modified":"2012-10-23T12:01:00","modified_gmt":"2012-10-23T10:01:00","slug":"a-bad-ucking-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=455","title":{"rendered":"A Bad -ucking Day"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Jenna<\/a>The -ist that connects squarely with my chin is holding the tattered end o- a shoelace. And it belongs to me. I grit my teeth and go about the relacing ritual, inching the lace out and measuring the slack needed to create an adequate pair o- laces with which to tie my shoe. -inally, a-ter two misjudgments and a misthread I have two two-inch laces. I -eel like Gulliver trying to tie one o- the gi-t boxes that Jokey Smur- is always leaving his blue compatriots.<\/p>\n

I put on my other shoe and give mysel- the shoelace-gripping right hook that karma has been dying to deliver. And, once again, my neighbors are treated to another impromptu lesson on the creative vulgarities o- English.<\/p>\n

As I step out the door and drill my elbow into the metal knob, I decide with a cool head and absolutely no embarrassing swearing that today the world is going to end. On top o- it all, I need to write a paper -or school and guess which -ucking letter on my -ucking keyboard is broken?<\/p>\n

Nothing that happens this morning -ills me with optimism -or the upcoming day. I start the rainy ten-minute walk to the metro and, to de-lect my attention -rom the hole in my shoe, meditate on my anger. Although I grumble, I am not volatile \u2013 I am not going to open -ire anywhere or enter into a (one-sided) murder suicide pact with the cat. But sometimes these things build up and it\u2019s as though the big Dog upstairs is seeing how \u2013ar He can push me be-ore I go to a mall with a bag o- Doritos and a shotgun.<\/p>\n

I am not insensitive to perspective and when I plop down at my computer the internet is loaded with that. I su–er minor irritations, but I am not homeless, I have my health, I don\u2019t know any creationists and I don\u2019t live in Juarez, Mexico. So i- the worst I have to deal with is a 5 a.m. Heimlich maneuver -rom the cat and accidentally showering with my socks on, then that\u2019s OK, I suppose. Perspective is strained, however, when my tram ride is accompanied by a couple per-orming sloppy, audible tonsillectomies on each other at 7:30 a.m.<\/p>\n

7:30 a.m. the next morning challenges its unhappy predecessor in its misery when my neighbors begin drilling into the wall that connects my bedroom to their bathroom.<\/p>\n

-ucking bastards.<\/p>\n

Question o- the day is a philosophical one – How do I torture my neighbors?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The -ist that connects squarely with my chin is holding the tattered end o- a shoelace. And it belongs to me. I grit my teeth and go about the relacing ritual, inching the lace out and measuring the slack needed to create an adequate pair o- laces with which to tie my shoe. -inally, a-ter […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-455","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-7l","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/455","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=455"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/455\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":990,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/455\/revisions\/990"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=455"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=455"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=455"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}