{"id":4788,"date":"2019-08-10T03:20:33","date_gmt":"2019-08-10T01:20:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=4788"},"modified":"2022-10-24T18:34:59","modified_gmt":"2022-10-24T16:34:59","slug":"country-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=4788","title":{"rendered":"Country Life"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"
Not Chauncy the Great Black Wasp, but a Cousin of Chauncy the Great Black Wasp<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

This morning I am busy, like all of my mornings home in the small town where my parents live. I wake up early, spend a half hour on the porch drinking coffee and enjoying the prehumid time of the day. I then write for two hours in the kitchen. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A huge wasp has spent every day at the screen window of the kitchen\ntrying to get to me. After day 4 I looked it up online to find that it\u2019s a Great\nBlack Wasp (Sphex pensylvanicus) and that it\u2019s mostly disinterested in people. But\nthis doesn\u2019t mesh with the fact that Chauncy (his name) is interested enough in\nme to try to get to me every day. I read that the Great Black Wasp\u2019s sting can\nruin your day, so I say hello to him in the morning, but I do not let him in. The\nbasement is filled with spiders. I don\u2019t go there.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

After writing I eat on the porch in a rocking chair and watch\ncars go by. And in the afternoon, I proofread academic journals and research\narticles. By 2 or so, I am free to read and lounge and exercise. I am eating a\nmostly carbohydrates and sugar diet, so I don\u2019t skip exercise. I have slowly\ntricked my sister\u2019s cat into loving me. Well, not me as much as the addictive\nprobably slightly narcotic treats I am using to entice her out from under various\nfurniture. She has weird legs that are a completely different color from the\nrest of her, but I don\u2019t mention it as I don\u2019t want to hurt her feelings. She\u2019s\nalso really long, sort of like a ferret. Her meow is like a lady\u2019s scream in a\n1940s movie, but from really far away.    <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today my mom has enlisted me for a task. I am to go to the\nstore and buy (a notably specific) five cases of water. It\u2019s been specified\nmore than once. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCan you get five cases of water today?\u201d she asked me\nyesterday. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the last sixteen years, a stack of water cases has stood\nas high as an elf in the mudroom. It has been depleted, and my mom is worried and\nmuttering about dehydration and zombie apocalypses. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCan you get five cases of water tomorrow?\u201d she asked last\nnight.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

To avoid her complete breakdown (and honestly I\u2019m a little\nworried the zombie apocalypse coming when we have no water) I agree to go today\nafter she asks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCan you get five cases of water today?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And before I walk out the door, I realize that I have to do\nsome things in order to join others in public. The first thing I do is change\nmy clothes into something I haven\u2019t worn for four days. I put on underwear. I brush\nmy teeth. I kick off my flipflops and find my public going sandals. I brush my\nteeth again after the cat doesn\u2019t come for her treat.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I guess this is what country life is all about. Well mostly. I thought there’d be more field coats and farmers asking about my haul. But walking to the pool, enjoying the wildlife around (and in) your house, sitting on a rocking chair, and not showering or grooming is good enough. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I drive to the store, which is about 2 miles away and I complain\nabout the traffic. At the store, I get five cases of water and a lady makes a\ncomment about me not getting dehydrated. I reply: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOr if the zombie apocalypse comes.\u201d I push my cart slowly\naway before she asks too many questions. When I get to the checkout, we all\nnotice that the water is leaking. The girl (I think Sam) calls some guy over\nthe loud speaker and informs him of the leak. I tell her I can get the water myself\n(you want a job done right\u2026). She thanks me and gives me the store discount. I\nlike to think she does that because she finds me adorable. But I think she does\nit because of the groan-yelp I make when I lifted the case back onto the cart.    <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The excitement of the leaking water case spurs me to walk to\nthe diner for a late breakfast. While there I tell my waitress about the case. I\ncasually mention that I got five cases and one of them leaked. She doesn\u2019t bat\nan eye. She is very long, sort of the female human version of my sister\u2019s\nfemale cat. Her legs are in yoga pants, so I can\u2019t see if they\u2019re a different\ncolor from her arms and face. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Several EMTs are standing around outside and drinking coffee.\nThey don\u2019t seem to be in much of a rush for EMTs. The lack of urgency is perhaps\nexplained when a coroner comes in and sits at the counter. His shirt is fluorescent\ngreen and says CORONER in big black block letters on the back. He drinks his\ncoffee slow. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The waitress offers to fill my water, but then she pulls back\nthe pitcher and says, \u201cOh but I guess you got enough water at home.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOne was leaking.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYeah, OK.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I walk slowly back, maybe I amble. I can\u2019t be totally sure, I\ndon\u2019t know if I\u2019ve actively ambled. I walk up the steps to the kitchen and open\nthe storm door. I\u2019m in before I really that I\u2019ve just given Chauncy his\ninvitation inside. I gasp and stand in the middle of the room, I don\u2019t want to\nsit in case Chauncy gets in and he\u2019s a jerk. He doesn\u2019t get in, but he does\ncome out of his spot under the metal. I don\u2019t know, he seems a little sad. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Not Chauncy the Great Black Wasp, but a Cousin of Chauncy the Great Black Wasp This morning I am busy, like all of my mornings home in the small town where my parents live. I wake up early, spend a half hour on the porch drinking coffee and enjoying the prehumid time of the day. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4789,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4788","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/damiengaleone.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/bug-guide.jpg?fit=560%2C312&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-1fe","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4788","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4788"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4788\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4790,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4788\/revisions\/4790"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4789"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4788"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4788"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4788"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}