{"id":4854,"date":"2019-12-09T18:37:25","date_gmt":"2019-12-09T17:37:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=4854"},"modified":"2020-02-03T15:43:08","modified_gmt":"2020-02-03T14:43:08","slug":"report-on-the-obnoxious-persistence-of-czech-culture-in-prague","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=4854","title":{"rendered":"Report on the Obnoxious Persistence of Czech Culture in Prague"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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The aim of this report is to outline and call attention to the troubling occurrences of the unfortunate eruption of Czech culture in the capital city of the Czech Republic, Prague. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shops and Establishments <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This one is relatively amazing. Over the past twelve years,\nthere has been an extremely aggressive campaign to completely squash Czech culture\nby saturating the city center with shops and restaurants that are either of completely\ndiffering culture or are completely void of flavor or culture. Waffle houses, rib,\nwings or burger joints, furniture shops for rich people, Moleskine shops, fried\nfish houses. And yet, despite this, there are still some Czech establishments\npoking through. Contributors to our research counted as many of four (4) Czech\nrestaurants in the city center and were horrified to find that three of those\ndidn\u2019t even have a burger on the menu. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our recommended action here is scorched earth. Find these\nplaces and bring them down. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Gentrification Campaign of the Pub <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our campaign to remove every pub with even a drop of\ncharacter that might not appeal to upper-class white people from New York has\nbeen enormously successful. In their wake, we have left a hundred pubs with brass\nand dark wood interiors, tables, and chairs; patrons enjoy sleek menus (a\nburger features on each one), Wi-Fi, and absolutely no discerning characteristics\nfrom one another. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Research shows that people could not tell one center pub\nfrom another in a blindfold test (blindfolds were removed when they were\nbrought out of the toilets). Feedback shows that patrons like this sort of\nbland anonymity. The only problem in this area is the occasional classic Czech\npub, but these exist mostly on the periphery of the city. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recommendation: keep pounding away and do not relent. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Je\u017e\u00ed\u0161ek <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Attempts to bludgeon the Czech people to death with Santa\nClaus have been absolute. He is in Coca Cola ads on the square, he is winking\nat people with Rudolph-the-bloody-rednosed-bloody-rein-bloody-deer in Old Town,\nand he is in the chocolate ads in every British, German, and Dutch shop in the\ncity. But still the Czechs maintain an annoying dedication to their Christmas\nspirit, Je\u017e\u00ed\u0161ek <\/a>(baby Jesus). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is more remarkable when considering the fact that Jesus\nin baby form has little to no marketability power in the modern world. He can\u2019t\nbring presents into a house, he isn\u2019t comforting (no baby is), and his ability\nto grant wishes (Christmas or otherwise) seems mostly based on the proxy power\nof his father. More confusingly distressing is that, unlike Santa and Rudolph, Je\u017e\u00ed\u0161ek\nhas no real physical representation. So Czech people are forced to use their \u201cimagination\u201d\nto conjure the image of a small baby whose father grants them wishes and who\ncan\u2019t carry a gift without the help of an adult, but who somehow comes to their\nliving rooms when kids ring a little bell. Insanity. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We may make some headway in a few years if we keep up\ndeployment of Christmas movies to Netflix and to international theaters. If the\noccurrences of Santa can be raised (an estimated) 19%, then we may see a slow\ndecline in Je\u017e\u00ed\u0161ek\u2019s popularity. Might consider cameoing both in the next Die\nHard film. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nota Bene: pass this by Bruce. Would he feel comfortable shooting a “baby Jesus” with a Glock 20? <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Czech<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The appearance of the Erasmus Program and study abroad\nprograms linked to several American universities has successfully led to the\nalmost compete obsoletion of Czech from the center. Most business people and waiters\nspeak English to a level of capability judged to be strong enough to cope with\n85.1% of the modifications American people put on their food and just below under\nthe strength needed to understand people from New Jersey or anyone from Great\nBritain. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Test subjects were unable to find a Czech speaker in the city center for thirty-nine minutes, which is 22% better than the same tests done in Budapest, Paris, or Amsterdam. Notably, a similar study in New York City found a test subject unable to find an English speaking cab driver for two days and nine hours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Still, use of the Czech language among Czechs is overwhelming. The number one reason for this seems to rely on the fact that both the speakers and both the listeners in any given conversation among two Czech people is fluent in the Czech language. Despite our ideas for squashing Czech in the center, it’s unlikely that we’ll be able to destroy its use among Czech people. But we haven’t given up yet. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Overall Recommendations<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Evidence points to a strong decline of all things Czech in the city center. But we will not be happy until Czech and Czech things have fallen by the wayside. We believe that with Netflix, Santa’s drawing power, and the enormous influx of English-speaking foreigners, we’ll beat down the once mighty Czech after all. Ty vole.  <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The aim of this report is to outline and call attention to the troubling occurrences of the unfortunate eruption of Czech culture in the capital city of the Czech Republic, Prague. Shops and Establishments This one is relatively amazing. Over the past twelve years, there has been an extremely aggressive campaign to completely squash Czech […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4855,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4854","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/damiengaleone.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/czech.jpg?fit=562%2C627&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-1gi","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4854","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4854"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4854\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4892,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4854\/revisions\/4892"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4855"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4854"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4854"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4854"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}