{"id":4859,"date":"2019-12-16T18:56:00","date_gmt":"2019-12-16T17:56:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=4859"},"modified":"2020-03-09T07:23:18","modified_gmt":"2020-03-09T06:23:18","slug":"recipient-mr-santa-claus-re-yearly-assessment","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=4859","title":{"rendered":"Recipient: Mr. Santa Claus Re: Yearly Assessment"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"
Dear Santa Christmas letter in envelope with stamp. Holiday child wish list for Santa Claus. Blank postcard. Flat vector illustration<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I hope you are well. I know the cold weather nips at your butt eczema; I hope you are taking your medicine. Cream is your friend. I am well. Naturally, I am reaching out for our yearly assessment. Within this letter I offer my own assessment of the year\u2019s positive occurrences and interactions (i.e. nice), the personal developmental negative growth I have seen (i.e. naughtiness), and what I expect to gain in remuneration (gifts), assuming your performance assessment is on the relative same page. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As for the positives I hope to call attention to the good I\nhave done this year. Or perhaps the \u201cnot bad\u201d I have done to people. As per our\nfeedback face-to-face last December, I was less vocal to detractors on social\nmedia. Your specific term that I \u201ckeep my big yap shut\u201d proved particularly\nhelpful and I use it as a mantra with the breathing techniques. If that doesn\u2019t\nwork, then I go for booze. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

On social media and in small talk conversations on public transport\nand at while relating symptoms to my doctor, I mostly kept commentary to\nsubjects like my cat, the weather, and varieties of complex carbohydrates. I\ntried to be more empathetic towards others. When hearing a particularly absurd\nexcuse to get out of school work, I employed the technique you suggested wherein\nI quietly sing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer until the spasms had passed. It\nworked. For the most part. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In terms of the negative growth, I admit to some\ntransgressions. You no doubt have heard all of the language-chunks and verbal explosive\ndevice nuggets measuring between 3 and 5 words that I have used. For these, I\nsincerely apologize. By way of requesting sympathy for my slipups, I offer rational\nexplanatory points, which attempt to outreach my finger at those more to blame.\nIn the first place, my city\u2019s sports teams sort of suck. This has been\nfrustrating. Have you been to Philadelphia? Remember getting pelted by snowballs\non a firetruck on Christmas Eve? Right. That\u2019s the level of empathy and patience\nyou\u2019re dealing with here. Additionally, have you met the President of the United\nStates? I mean, come on! I can only imagine you\u2019re feedback assessment with\nthat cocksu\u2026., I mean assho\u2026, I mean person. Keep my big yap shut. Keep my big\nyap shut. Keep my big yap shut. Ahh. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

One last point. I live in the Czech Republic. You know this of\ncourse as you have tracked me down with the help of Christmas spirit colleague Je\u017e\u00ed\u0161ek.\nBut I have had two bureaucratic tidbits to get through this year and not even Je\u017e\u00ed\u0161ek\ncould do this without taking his Father\u2019s name in vain. And maybe even laying\nout a few well-placed fucks. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Overall I have to believe that our growth this year over\nfour quarters has been largely positive with a few slips in the negative sector.\nI do hope your feedback assessment states roughly the same informatics (I hope\nI used that right). As far as remuneration, I was hoping for nine hours of\nuninterrupted sleep and some of your eczema cream.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sincerely, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You Know Who I Am <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Santa Christmas letter in envelope with stamp. Holiday child wish list for Santa Claus. Blank postcard. Flat vector illustration I hope you are well. I know the cold weather nips at your butt eczema; I hope you are taking your medicine. Cream is your friend. I am well. Naturally, I am reaching out for […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4860,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4859","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/damiengaleone.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/dear-santa.jpg?fit=1300%2C731&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-1gn","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4859","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4859"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4859\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4861,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4859\/revisions\/4861"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4860"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4859"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4859"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4859"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}