{"id":569,"date":"2012-01-05T14:41:43","date_gmt":"2012-01-05T13:41:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=569"},"modified":"2012-10-27T14:45:23","modified_gmt":"2012-10-27T12:45:23","slug":"on-jetlag-and-viagra","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=569","title":{"rendered":"On Jetlag and Viagra"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Death<\/a>Case Study<\/strong><\/p>\n

This is a case study on (cleverly disguised) subject X and his acute struggle with jetlag. The symptoms, analysis, diagnosis, and prognosis are based on Wikipedia\u2019s (genuflect) jetlag page.<\/p>\n

Symptoms<\/strong><\/p>\n

According to Wikipedia, symptoms of jetlag include headache, fatigue, irregular sleep patterns, insomnia, disorientation, grogginess, irritability, mild depression, constipation and, just for fun, diarrhea.<\/p>\n

X starts his day at 2:17 a.m., having woken to a headache that would put down Hunter S Thompson. In one hand X is holding a sandwich and in the other, a mobile phone. There is an indecipherable half-written message on the phone and the ingredients of the sandwich have spilled onto his lap. After unsuccessfully trying to rebuild his sandwich or fall back to sleep, X goes to the shower and weeps when he sees that he is showering wearing a sock.<\/p>\n

Though a number of over the counter medicines are taken, X cannot rid himself of a stomach-ache, headache or an impending sense of doom. He goes to work, all the while cursing the free alcohol served on his (cleverly disguised) *ufthansa flight.<\/p>\n

After falling asleep at his desk, X is awakened by his boss and proceeds to teach students who are preparing for a Cambridge English exam. Ten minutes into the class he is told by another teacher that he is in the wrong room. (Later investigation has revealed that X tried to teach a Russian class).<\/p>\n

After finally finding his students, X loses his place a number of times \u2013 both in the classroom and in the textbook. He goes on to suggest that the word \u2018Cipowitz\u2019 is a verb and silently calls a student \u2018ass-monkey\u2019 when they suggest that he might be incorrect.<\/p>\n

The tram ride home sees X\u2019s second bout of tears for the day and the third one comes the following morning when he realizes that he has not used a toilet in 41 hours.<\/p>\n

Analysis<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2714 Headache\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2714 fatigue<\/p>\n

\u2714 irregular sleep patterns<\/p>\n

\u2714 insomnia\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2714 disorientation<\/p>\n

\u2714 grogginess\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2714 irritability<\/p>\n

\u2714 mild depression \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u2714 constipation<\/p>\n

X<\/strong> \u00a0diarrhea<\/p>\n

Diagnosis<\/strong><\/p>\n

Subject X has jetlag. Though if irritability and mild depression are major symptoms, then Subject X has had jetlag since his 30th<\/sup> birthday.<\/p>\n

Prognosis \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Subject X is, in medical terms, totally f*cked.<\/p>\n

Management<\/strong><\/p>\n

To battle jetlag, Wikipedia (genuflect) suggests avoiding alcohol and getting plenty of sunlight. Wikipedia also cites a recent study suggesting that Viagra could assist in recovery.<\/p>\n

Subject X Treatment Regimen<\/strong><\/p>\n

Subject X does not understand any phrase in which the words \u2018avoid\u2019 and \u2018alcohol\u2019 occur in successive order. How else is he supposed to sleep? Hark, this treatment avenue is disregarded. \u00a0Sunlight soon follows suit considering the fact that Subject X lives in Prague and it is January. Thus, there is no sunlight to be had.<\/p>\n

In 2003, Subject X procured a Viagra from a doctor after complaining of a bout of impotence brought on by M*A*S*H reruns and an extended panic attack. This Viagra was never needed (OK, but just once). In any case, Subject X admits to keeping an \u2018Emergency Viagra\u2019 in a cabinet which also holds his birth certificate, photographic evidence of an ex-girlfriend, his grandfather\u2019s watch and a test tube containing his uvula.<\/p>\n

Follow Up<\/strong><\/p>\n

Subject X claims that his \u2018Emergency Viagra\u2019 is intact and resting in its secret hiding place. He further claims that his jetlag has been cured by a two day regimen of Nyquil, Ketel One, ham sandwiches and Becherovka. His irritability suggests that his jetlag is not fully cured, but he falls asleep on the floor before any further questioning can be done.<\/p>\n

N.B:<\/strong> Thursday, 12:37 p.m. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2714 diarrhea<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Case Study This is a case study on (cleverly disguised) subject X and his acute struggle with jetlag. The symptoms, analysis, diagnosis, and prognosis are based on Wikipedia\u2019s (genuflect) jetlag page. Symptoms According to Wikipedia, symptoms of jetlag include headache, fatigue, irregular sleep patterns, insomnia, disorientation, grogginess, irritability, mild depression, constipation and, just for fun, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-569","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-9b","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/569","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=569"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/569\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1002,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/569\/revisions\/1002"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=569"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=569"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=569"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}