{"id":622,"date":"2012-02-09T14:52:44","date_gmt":"2012-02-09T13:52:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=622"},"modified":"2012-09-30T19:45:29","modified_gmt":"2012-09-30T17:45:29","slug":"a-day-in-the-life-of-a-schmuck-writing-an-essay-on-salman-rushdie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=622","title":{"rendered":"A Day in the Life (of a Schmuck writing an Essay on Salman Rushdie)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Apple<\/a>This follows the timeline of a schmuck writing a paper on \u2018The Prophet\u2019s Hair\u2019 by Salman Rushdie. Please do not replicate.<\/p>\n

8:15 a.m. I decide to start writing. I make a huge breakfast that takes over an hour to prepare and forty-five minutes to eat. After three cups of black, strip-your-stomach-lining coffee and singing along to the entire album Highway 61 Revisited, I sit down at the desk.<\/p>\n

Computer Screen Status: Blank<\/p>\n

9:23 a.m. After one more cup of coffee I visit the bathroom and read. A rambunctious Morcheeba album forces me to jot notes on a notepad.<\/p>\n

Computer Screen Status: Name in upper right hand corner<\/p>\n

10:31 a.m. I get down to serious work and therefore embark on a mission to organize my junk drawer. The oxymoronic value of it blows my mind.<\/p>\n

Computer Screen Status: Name in upper right corner changed to this font<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

10:52 a.m. I discover a box of highlighters! More specifically, I discover how much more fun highlighting \u2018The Prophet\u2019s Hair\u2019 is than writing about \u2018The Prophet\u2019s Hair.\u2019 The demographics are as follows:<\/p>\n

Yellow: 22% (verbs)<\/p>\n

Pink: 12% (nouns)<\/p>\n

Blue: 38% (pissing off Muslims)<\/p>\n

Green: 27% (stuff I have to look up on Wikipedia)<\/p>\n

Blank: 1% (The title)<\/p>\n

Computer Screen Status: Name unbolded.<\/p>\n

11:57 a.m. I am in the bath reading a James Thurber book. Due to my highlighting adventures Bela the cat now has a blue nose. She has gone into a closet, presumably to plot revenge.<\/p>\n

Computer Screen Status: Don\u2019t know, don\u2019t care.<\/p>\n

12:59 p.m. I return to the computer to see Bela\u2019s revenge.<\/p>\n

Computer Screen Status: DamienGaleoneZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH0)))(((((((((((UQEFY%EEEEEEEEEEASSHOLE>>A>DSKJALSJAOSJAKOJSASASKKSKKKKKKKKKKKKKk<\/p>\n

1:53 p.m. I write the following.<\/p>\n

In the sentence below, we are introduced to Rushdie\u2019s sense of humor concerning the Islamic religion and his dissenting opinion about western influences. Rushdie, in this sentence, finally takes on the post-colonial tone that he cleverly disguises as simple exposition. The western influence is clear and a close analysis provides insight into a sacred Muslim religious icon that is cast into a western secular world. In the sentence below, taken straight from the story, Rushdie sums up west and east relations in the world of a religious community\u2019s iconic tendencies and secular iconoclasts destroying that praise, per se.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Night Fell. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Computer Screen Status: Hard to say, but I am pretty sure that it laughs at the bullshit that is being typed onto it.<\/p>\n

3:52 p.m. I become aware that my argument is, what is the academic word \u2013 oh yes, crapf*ck. In lieu of this revelation I Watch the Seinfeld episode in which Kramer meets a man named Salbass in a sauna who he is convinced is Salman Rushdie. I attempt to argue that the fish link between Salbass and Salman caused the price of fish sales to drop in 1994. This correlation is not achieved.<\/p>\n

Computer Screen Status: Embarrassed for me.<\/p>\n

4:31 p.m. I take a break from sitting in my office watching reruns of Frasier and go sit on my couch to watch reruns of Frasier. It\u2019s possible that instead of Frasier, it was Mary Tyler Moore.<\/p>\n

Computer Screen Status: I deal with a patch of writer\u2019s block by writing a script for a hardcore porn movie entitled \u2018The Prophet\u2019s Mare,\u2019 involving Rushdie and his various characters.<\/p>\n

5:26-6:01 p.m. I search the internet for agents who represent pornographic screenwriters.<\/p>\n

Computer Screen Status: Quickly degrading to a vast degree.<\/p>\n

6:41 p.m. I scan my favorite Wikipedia page (recent deaths).<\/p>\n

6:42 p.m. I mourn Dennis Callahan (Mayor of Annapolis)<\/p>\n

8:31 p.m. The paper is finished. I conclude that Salman Rushdie\u2019s overall point is to open a Dairy Queen in Newark.<\/p>\n

10:15 p.m. Reading Thurber in bed, trying to think of a fresh, fun, awesome idea for next day\u2019s blog. Nothing comes.<\/p>\n

Computer Screen Status: Anxious<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This follows the timeline of a schmuck writing a paper on \u2018The Prophet\u2019s Hair\u2019 by Salman Rushdie. Please do not replicate. 8:15 a.m. I decide to start writing. I make a huge breakfast that takes over an hour to prepare and forty-five minutes to eat. After three cups of black, strip-your-stomach-lining coffee and singing along […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-622","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-a2","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/622","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=622"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/622\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":736,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/622\/revisions\/736"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=622"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=622"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=622"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}