{"id":6301,"date":"2025-09-02T07:57:24","date_gmt":"2025-09-02T05:57:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=6301"},"modified":"2025-12-24T10:41:24","modified_gmt":"2025-12-24T09:41:24","slug":"being-a-healthy-old-person","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=6301","title":{"rendered":"Being a Healthy Old Person"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

In the last year, the first number in my age became a 5. Now, I have not had the reaction one might think I\u2019d have. I didn\u2019t run out and get my lips bee-stung and while I can comb my hair with a towel, I have yet to put in an order for Propecia. It\u2019s just getting older and it\u2019s not too bad as long as you don\u2019t mind permanently sore hips and the fact that you may end up in the ER if you sneeze while doing math in your head. Otherwise, I\u2019m good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We have so much more information these days than when my dad became first-number-5. When he did that back in the late 1990s, his doctor probably introduced his forefinger to old Mr. Rectum and told him to keep up his calcium levels. If such tests were done in the early 1970s, I\u2019m sure the doctor even put out his cigarette to give a similar test to my grandfather. Nowadays, medical advancements help us avoid some terrible outcomes that were otherwise a fact of life for older people. And there seems to be a much more informed online peanut gallery in terms of how to age well. We now have several thousand people telling us how to be a 22-year-old 60-year-old and a 30-year-old retiree.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As far as I can tell, I should eat loads of spinach, one steak a week, chicken like it\u2019s going out of style, and fill my mornings with flax, grapefruit, vitamins B, C, D, magnesium, and zinc. In between shovelling those things into my mouth, I need to run, lift, do palates, and as many push-ups as I can without dying on the floor. I can have one soda a year, one beer a decade, and if I so much as look at tobacco my face is going to explode.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No problemo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Along with those things for my physical health, I am just boggled by how much I need to do for my mental stability as I age. I should forgive. I should forget. If I don\u2019t forgive and forget, my brain will be wracked with bitterness and I\u2019ll soon just start forgetting, an eventually for which I might not be forgiven. I should not live in my youth. I should show gratitude, vulnerability, veracity, enjoy my evidently epic wisdom, and be mindful of everything \u2013 even people who annoy me. I should be true to myself, but also try new things. I should have a routine, but not forget spontaneity. Running out for a beer on a whim at 9:30 on a Tuesday night will apparently keep me young. The problem is, my true self doesn\u2019t like to try new things. To run out for a beer at 9:30 would require detaching my ass from my couch and I can\u2019t do that without making loud noises. Maybe the best thing I can do for my mental health is stop reading about how to take care of my mental health. Maybe I\u2019ll have my one drink of the decade. But not at 9:30. \u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The great joke here is that I could do everything from paragraphs 3 and 4 and still dislocate my clavicle by an overaggressive shampooing. When you get to the 5-something age, you hear about others your age who won\u2019t get to go onto the 6-something age. And the reasons are usually so arbitrary that it leads you to believe \u2013 correctly \u2013 that the fact that you even got to a 5-something age is a matter of pure and unadulterated luck. It\u2019s like winning a lottery, but with hemorrhoids, heartburn, and a stomach which has yet to cast its final ballot on dairy. \u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The advice is never what we want to hear, is it? I am no doubt happier living a healthy life of exercise and good food, but just once I would love to be advised to start the day with a double shot of bourbon. I\u2019d like a scientifically-supported article to tell me that the best way to avoid stomach pains in my 5-years is with a regimen of ham sandwiches and pretzels dipped in cheese. But alas, those comforts are for the 1 through 3-something folks. And by the time they reach my age, they\u2019ll have a whole new set of age rules and guides to follow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hell, maybe it\u2019ll be pretzels dipped in cheese.   <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In the last year, the first number in my age became a 5. Now, I have not had the reaction one might think I\u2019d have. I didn\u2019t run out and get my lips bee-stung and while I can comb my hair with a towel, I have yet to put in an order for Propecia. It\u2019s […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6302,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6301","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/damiengaleone.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Jack_LaLanne_1961.jpg?fit=600%2C752&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-1DD","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6301","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6301"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6301\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6303,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6301\/revisions\/6303"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/6302"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6301"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6301"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6301"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}