{"id":631,"date":"2012-02-16T15:12:57","date_gmt":"2012-02-16T14:12:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=631"},"modified":"2012-11-09T09:32:13","modified_gmt":"2012-11-09T08:32:13","slug":"assembly-line-for-a-cross-dresser","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=631","title":{"rendered":"Assembly Line for a Cross Dresser"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"SDC10504\"<\/a>The twelfth one comes in. She looks like the eleventh. And the tenth. They are all young and attractive; their eyes shine, their smiles are radiant and they are a whole voter younger than me<\/p>\n

There are two of us doing the interviews for the study abroad program. One of us is the interviewer, the other is the assessor. I am the interviewer; I begin my rigmarole<\/p>\n

\u201cGood morning, I\u2019m Mr. Galeone and this is Professor ———ova. Welcome to the oral test for the Unmentionable Study Abroad Program.\u201d A vine of hives spreads up the candidate\u2019s chest onto her neck as her pre-interview jitters get the better of her. I smile. \u201cJust relax, could you tell us a little about yourself?<\/p>\n

As this is the 300th<\/sup> interview I\u2019ve been a part of in the last three weeks, this is where things start to blend together. Therefore, I slip into a kind of dreamy trance during the interview. Do I need bread? Would it freak this kid out if I just started vomiting right now? Look up on Wiki: Nipple Cancer. \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Just as I\u2019m wondering if I accidentally put my T-shirt on backwards again, I force myself to come back to the interview. I do this by trying to find the distinguishing physical characteristic of this candidate. This one has a nose ring. The Eleventh had 14-inch long fake eyelashes; the Tenth had a neck tattoo of a butterfly.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not always about a candidate\u2019s alternative lifestyle. The Fourth had a powdered mustache; the Fifth had a bridge-like unibrow and the Seventh had a cheek mole that had its own gravitational pull.<\/p>\n

With these thoughts of facial deformities, I drift off again and snap back in as the student tells us about her love of languages, new cultures, meeting new people and \u201cgetting new experiences.\u201d I let out a breath. It’s the sort of breath you do when your Uncle Herman tells his Thanksgiving “Remember trying to hump the dog when you were six” story.<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you, that\u2019s the end of the test. Good luck.\u201d Over 300 interviews and the answers are always the same \u2013 languages, culture, people and experience.<\/p>\n

The Twelfth disappears through the door. We assess her mark without words and slip her sheet in with the eleven others. The Twelfth is out of our lives forever.<\/p>\n

The Thirteenth opens the door and Professor ——–ova and I switch roles, she is the interviewer and I am the assessor. As the professor hands me the pen I say, \u201cI accidentally put on my girlfriend\u2019s underwear this morning.\u201d<\/p>\n

She stares at me in disbelief. In hindsight, I don\u2019t know if this is because of the underwear or the fact that a woman might consider me a suitable partner. \u201cWhat?\u201d she finally asks.<\/p>\n

As the Thirteenth sits down in front of us with a radiant smile (and a pimple on her forehead that could perform slam poetry) I say, \u201cI am wearing women’s underwear.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGood morning,\u201d the Thirteenth says and Professor ——–ova turns bright red and turns to the student. \u201cHi\u2026\u201d she gets out. For the first five minutes of the interview Professor ——–ova can\u2019t stop giggling. When she has gotten a grip, I begin a series of subtle stretching and shifting exercises that result in a full revival of the giggles.<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you, that\u2019s the end of the test,\u201d Professor ——–ova says and holds her breath until the Thirteenth has pulled the door closed. \u201cWe are switching back,\u201d she says. As the Fourteenth sits in front of me, Professor ——–ova asks the room, \u201cAre they pink?\u201d<\/p>\n

The Fourteenth looks confused.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood morning,\u201d I say, \u201cCould you tell us a little about yourself?\u201d<\/p>\n

As she commences her speech about languages, new cultures and people, travelling and her grammatically incorrect need for experiences, the professor and I squirm and smile. The Fourteenth leaves and Professor ——–ova and I are alone while the Fifteenth has a panic attack in the hallway.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know how, but I am going to get you for that,\u201d the professor says.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t how she\u2019s going to get me, since she\u2019s the one who scheduled me to do the oral tests in the first place.<\/p>\n

I guess she\u2019ll have to be creative.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The twelfth one comes in. She looks like the eleventh. And the tenth. They are all young and attractive; their eyes shine, their smiles are radiant and they are a whole voter younger than me There are two of us doing the interviews for the study abroad program. One of us is the interviewer, the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-631","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-ab","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/631","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=631"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/631\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1119,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/631\/revisions\/1119"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=631"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=631"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=631"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}