{"id":649,"date":"2012-03-05T15:27:37","date_gmt":"2012-03-05T14:27:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=649"},"modified":"2012-11-09T09:31:05","modified_gmt":"2012-11-09T08:31:05","slug":"the-return-of-the-sas-and-the-subtle-art-of-research","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=649","title":{"rendered":"The Return of the \u0160a\u0161 and the Subtle Art of Research"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"2009<\/a>As with every visit to The \u0160a\u0161 (my physician), we are discussing Thai women. The \u0160a\u0161 is holding an Otoscope into my ear and offering sage advice on what I should do as a young man in this world.<\/p>\n

\u201cGo to Thailand, perhaps Bangkok, and open a language institute that caters to high-class Thai prostitutes,” he says.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou mean open my own harem?\u201d<\/p>\n

He removes the Otoscope. \u201cSure,\u201d he says. “They need English.”<\/p>\n

\u201cI need to buy a whole lot of pillows, then?\u201d I ask<\/p>\n

\u201cYour ears are fine,\u201d he says. Then adds, in the same Marlon Brando meets Kermit the Frog drawl, \u201cNo pillows, rubber sheets and coconut oil.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust like on the internet?\u201d I ask.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust like on the internet,\u201d he says<\/p>\n

While Thai women are mentioned in every appointment, the rubber sheets are an addition. However, I need to steer the conversation away from our favorite subject and lead it to my real reason for the visit.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, that clavicle’s an interesting bone, huh? Mine hurts sometimes. Um, if a clavicle snaps is it certain to sever the Brachial Plexus or Supra Clavicular nerves?\u201d<\/p>\n

The \u0160a\u0161, understandably, adopts a look of concern.<\/p>\n

One of the most enjoyable aspects of writing is the unusual world of research one is forced to visit from time to time. This is due to the extreme desire and necessity to create an authentic world. If the reader doesn\u2019t believe your narrator, your story doesn\u2019t work. So, I have read about tarantulas, penis amputation, anosmia, toe cleavage and World War II tank drivers. I have jumped out of an airplane, snorted mustard, licked doorknobs and lightbulbs, stuck a bullet in my nostril and bitten my cat\u2019s tail.<\/p>\n

All to attain authenticity.<\/p>\n

Today, injuries sustained by a character in my current writing project have brought me to The \u0160a\u0161. Well, that, a mild earache and a thirst to discuss Thai prostitutes. Subtly, as evidenced by my introduction to the subject, is not one of my strengths.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you think you have broken your clavicle?\u201d he asks.<\/p>\n

\u201cNah, just wondering\u2026saw something on TV.\u201d<\/p>\n

The \u0160a\u0161 treats me to a disturbingly detailed lecture on clavicle trauma.<\/p>\n

\u201cOK, so my ears look fine?\u201d I ask.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, the atmospheric pressure has changed recently. It always wreaks havoc on your ears.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShould I take anything for it?\u201d I ask<\/p>\n

\u201cIbuprofen if your head starts hurting.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGreat, thank you.\u201d I stand and feign a remembered point. \u201cOh yes, one more question. If someone were hit really hard in the back of the head with a shovel, is it possible their eyes could fly out?\u201d<\/p>\n

The \u0160a\u0161 makes no move, but wears the look one gives as they mind-dial the police. When he finally speaks, his Kermit-Brando drawl comes out in a deliberate, yet stalling effort. \u201cIt would be highly unlikely.\u201d He taps his desktop. \u201cAre you OK?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh yes,\u201d I say. I decide to hold my questions about severed digits and brain clots. \u201cSo I\u2019ll go get those rubber sheets today.\u201d<\/p>\n

The \u0160a\u0161\u2019s laugh comes out in one short burst that sounds like a dying siren. \u201cGet the oil first. Remember, Ibuprofen if your head hurts.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure, thank you.\u201d And I leave. As I do so, tentative details for a short story that takes place in a Thai harem invade my thoughts and mind.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll have to make another appointment next week.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As with every visit to The \u0160a\u0161 (my physician), we are discussing Thai women. The \u0160a\u0161 is holding an Otoscope into my ear and offering sage advice on what I should do as a young man in this world. \u201cGo to Thailand, perhaps Bangkok, and open a language institute that caters to high-class Thai prostitutes,” […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-649","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-at","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/649","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=649"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/649\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1118,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/649\/revisions\/1118"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=649"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=649"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=649"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}