{"id":6525,"date":"2026-10-27T19:13:12","date_gmt":"2026-10-27T18:13:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=6525"},"modified":"2026-10-27T19:13:12","modified_gmt":"2026-10-27T18:13:12","slug":"the-measurement-man-cometh","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=6525","title":{"rendered":"The Measurement Man Cometh"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

And he measureth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The very pleasant man shows up. He\u2019s holding a ladder and a spirit level. We greet in the elevator and he informs me that his colleague speaks better English and he doesn\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s OK, I tell him in a garbled set of phonemes meant to represent his in spoken form, I speak some Czech.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He nods in disagreement.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I point him to the kitchen. Since a baby could crawl from one side of the flat to the other without ceasing a rejection-based wail, it\u2019s not hard to find. Nevertheless, he thanks me and moves towards my stove. He unfolds his ladder. I begin reviewing vocab.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The measuring guy (what they called him during our reconstruction planning meeting) has two dogs that watch TV with him. He is gentle with his language. He is a very kind man. And about every forty seconds, usually after measuring some corner of my kitchen, he makes a note and lets out a deep sigh of hatred towards the area where I make French Toast.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We knew the kitchen wouldn\u2019t be easy. But knowing and watching someone analyze my kitchen and shake his head in (what I can only assume is) horror.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When he gives me the report, it\u2019s not horrifying. But this is mostly because my limited language keeps me from understanding just how much I\u2019ll actually have to do before I can have a new kitchen. Here are hoops. Now jump through them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This plays well into the things that gnaw at my soul. Three months ago, I had never thought about renovating my kitchen. Burke mentioned something in passing. Then she used that slutty temptress AI to create the ghost of kitchens future. Now it\u2019s all I want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The measurement man is killing my dream. My dream of having a fridge two feet away from the oven.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, I sit in bed with my measurement notes in my lap. I am trying to forget about my kitchen for a while, but the notes mock me. They mock me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The measurement man hath come. He hath measured. He hath ruined my dreams.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or at least moved them a month away from me.  <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

And he measureth. The very pleasant man shows up. He\u2019s holding a ladder and a spirit level. We greet in the elevator and he informs me that his colleague speaks better English and he doesn\u2019t. It\u2019s OK, I tell him in a garbled set of phonemes meant to represent his in spoken form, I speak […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6526,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6525","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-1Hf","jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/damiengaleone.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/H._A._Farrand_with_Farrand_Rapid_Rule.jpg?fit=385%2C500&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6525","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6525"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6525\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6527,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6525\/revisions\/6527"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/6526"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6525"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6525"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6525"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}