{"id":771,"date":"2012-05-24T11:32:47","date_gmt":"2012-05-24T09:32:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=771"},"modified":"2012-11-04T11:22:08","modified_gmt":"2012-11-04T10:22:08","slug":"study-aid","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=771","title":{"rendered":"Study Aid"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Belinha<\/a>I have been staring at the word \u2018convergent\u2019 for four minutes, dreaming of where I\u2019d like to permanently implant it into my professor\u2019s body. I drop the papers on my coffee table and stand to stretch my legs. It is 7:14 p.m. I\u2019ve been studying for a final exam in The European Union and Global Trade since 5:25 p.m.<\/p>\n

In the last 109 minutes I have sent nine emails, commented of four Facebook posts, cooked and eaten two pork chops and mashed sweet potatoes in a brown sugar sauce (awesome!), made three moves on Chess.com, cleaned my washing machine\u2019s filter and swifted my flat. In this time I have read 2.3 pages of the 70 pages of notes I have to cover tonight.<\/p>\n

I have to get out of the house.<\/p>\n

10.4 minutes later I am at the local pub. I break out my notes, order a beer and wear the same smug \u2018how did I not<\/em> think of this before\u2019 expression that the Earl of Sandwich wore as he bit into his first BLT.<\/p>\n

Rationales made on the walk here: Why not study at the pub? It\u2019ll help me relax, there are no distractions such as the Internet, washing machines and my swifter. Pubs are quiet. What could possibly go wrong?<\/p>\n

Below is a time-lined account of how it went wrong.<\/p>\n

7:25 p.m. (Beer 1): Relaxation has indeed assisted the study process as my highlighter exacts its orangey revenge over dry terminology. My content is such that I hardly notice soccer on television.<\/p>\n

8:01 p.m. (Beer 2): mood is great. The EU and Global Trade as a subject suddenly begins thawing.<\/p>\n

8:28 p.m. (Becherovka 1): Keynesian approach claims that \u2018it is not possible to reach optimum in economy without governmental interventions.\u2019 <\/em>Spurs a loud guffaw which in turn prompts the waitress to ask me what was so funny. Those around me have several minutes of enjoyment as I try to translate that line into Czech.<\/p>\n

8:43 p.m. (Beer 3): I have achieved a deeper, philosophical understanding of the material. This in turn leads to the theory that the Common Agriculture Policy was designed to provide all Europeans with beets and slivovice.<\/p>\n

8:57 p.m. (Becherovka 2): Everything has become perfectly clear. I will move to the Jesen\u00edk mountains to study The EU and Global Trade and then become a professor of the subject. I create a 16 week syllabus in my head for my first course, but in the bathroom it is replaced with an episode of The Simpsons.<\/p>\n

9:12 p.m. (Beer 4): Review of the subject matter and my ignorance of all of it prompt rejection of my prior philosophical epiphany concerning beets and my plans of professorship. However, these blows are softened by the woman at table 4 making eyes at me.<\/p>\n

9:26 p.m.:<\/p>\n

Waitress: \u201cje\u0161t\u011b jednou?\u201d One more?<\/em><\/p>\n

Me: (in English) \u201cWell, it would be rude not to!\u201d<\/p>\n

Waitress: \u201cCo?\u201d What?<\/em><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cAno, pros\u00edm.\u201d Yes, please.<\/em><\/p>\n

Conclusion: She has breached Article 96 of the Cotonou agreement, violating human rights in the form of shutting down a pretty funny quip. I recommend sanctions or a penalty. I decide to withhold future jokes and take 1 K\u010d off of her tip.<\/p>\n

9:51 p.m. (Becherovka the last): I create a song made up of all world trade organizations and commercial policies to the tune of \u2018Yellow Submarine.\u2019 Moments later the song becomes pidgin gibberish of scattered letters and policy names.<\/p>\n

10:01 p.m.: I put down my notes to write this blog on the woeful decision to drink while studying. Soccer on the television suddenly irritates me.<\/p>\n

10:08 p.m.: The girl at table 4 has a sty.<\/p>\n

10:12 p.m.: I go home to swift the flat.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have been staring at the word \u2018convergent\u2019 for four minutes, dreaming of where I\u2019d like to permanently implant it into my professor\u2019s body. I drop the papers on my coffee table and stand to stretch my legs. It is 7:14 p.m. I\u2019ve been studying for a final exam in The European Union and Global […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-771","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-cr","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/771","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=771"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/771\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1043,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/771\/revisions\/1043"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=771"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=771"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=771"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}