{"id":790,"date":"2012-06-07T10:05:10","date_gmt":"2012-06-07T08:05:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=790"},"modified":"2012-10-25T11:52:08","modified_gmt":"2012-10-25T09:52:08","slug":"the-top-ten","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/?p=790","title":{"rendered":"The Top Ten"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"phantasy<\/a>In honor of one year of blogging, I am posting the top ten search engine queries that led people to my blog. Some of these people should be immediately hospitalized, some of them should be made scientific study subjects. In any case, here are the top ten adjoined by comments, witty and otherwise.<\/p>\n

10. Galeonetube<\/strong><\/p>\n

I appreciate that someone is searching for an online website of all Galeone all the time, but I just don\u2019t know how exciting 24 hours in the life of a short-legged popcorn enthusiast is going to be for anyone. Channels include feeding and cleaning the cat<\/em>, jogging and weeping<\/em>, reading at bedtime<\/em> and the many sweater vests of an ESL teacher<\/em>.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

9. Revenge on Galeone<\/strong><\/p>\n

So whether this search was conducted about me or one of my unibrowed distant relatives in Sicily, I am still not comforted by the fact that someone expected to obtain information on how to get revenge on Galeone. This combined with the fact that I have just graded tests for 120 university students means I\u2019m watching my back during my run along the river and having my colleague start up my computer on Monday.<\/p>\n

8. Is Bjork to blame for the world ending? <\/strong><\/p>\n

Yes.<\/p>\n

7. Hemrhoid Sandwitch<\/strong> (sic: both words)<\/p>\n

OK, let be honest, every now and then you just have to take your internet out for a ride and just really open her up to see what she can handle. But if I ever, ever see a hemorrhoid sandwich I am quite frankly going to take a bite and kill myself.<\/p>\n

6. Daily Walk to the Metro without Sweating<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you are the person who searched this term, I am offering 302K\u010d (four days til payday!) if you find a website which figures out how to make this little miracle happen. I\u2019ll even throw in an autographed photo of Phillip Katz making out with George Takei.<\/p>\n

5. Japanese Game show Identifying Spouse\u2019s Genitals<\/strong><\/p>\n

My thought process:<\/p>\n

Q: What happens if they are unable to properly identify their spouse\u2019s genitalia?<\/p>\n

Purely in the interest of research I find a website with videos of this marvelous game show.<\/p>\n

A: The person must have sexual intercourse with the owner of the genitalia they wrongly identify.<\/p>\n

Outcome: I have really got to visit Japan.<\/p>\n

4. Richard Harris Naked<\/strong><\/p>\n

Why? Dear God\u2026Why?<\/p>\n

NB: This melodramatic question was far more effective before I realized that I was the one who searched this phrase. That leads us to\u2026<\/p>\n

3. Damien Galeone Gay<\/strong><\/p>\n

Well, I had a good run. I suppose I couldn\u2019t stay in the closet forever what with putting my cat in sweater vests, hanging out in public with Collin Popkey and growing a mustache, it was really only a matter of time. I\u2019m out. I\u2019m going off to buy a rainbow suit and I\u2019ll see you at Fire Island. I\u2019ll bring the Streisand albums and leather chaps.<\/p>\n

And in direct contrast\u2026<\/p>\n

2. Fuck Dolls on the Verge of falling into my soulful pool of lust<\/strong><\/p>\n

I would like to thank Henry Miller for existing, for making this selection possible and for helping me relocate my heterosexuality. It was touch and go for a minute there.<\/p>\n

1. Damien Galeone 98\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Japanese Wall Porn 63<\/strong><\/p>\n

I wonder if the guys who run japanesewallporn.org ever wonder about this Galeone dude who keeps popping up in their search stats.<\/p>\n

Honorable mentions<\/strong><\/p>\n

I have to say that there were a few tough calls for the top ten. They include Knifec*nt (I added the asterisk, you do the math), How to torture a dog and I like bologna bologna Damien galeone bologna. Before you ask, I have no idea.<\/p>\n

Over to you! <\/strong><\/p>\n

I demand feedback! I have been bothering you twice a week with my inane ramblings and I cannot thank you folks enough for reading and, more importantly, for not coming to my house and kicking me to death. I want to know what you would like to read about. Please comment and let me know.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In honor of one year of blogging, I am posting the top ten search engine queries that led people to my blog. Some of these people should be immediately hospitalized, some of them should be made scientific study subjects. In any case, here are the top ten adjoined by comments, witty and otherwise. 10. Galeonetube […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-790","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1EvEu-cK","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/790","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=790"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/790\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":994,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/790\/revisions\/994"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=790"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=790"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/damiengaleone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=790"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}