Damien Galeone

If you are interested or involved in linguistics then you know that new words are added to the dictionary each year. The last couple years have seen the birth of words such as selfie, adorkable, hangry, and defriend, to name just a few.

One of the reasons new words keep being created is that existing words aren’t adequately defining somethings specifically. For example if you say that you’re angry it’s not clear that you are angry because you’re hungry (unless you’re me). We satisfy this by saying we are hangry. I am hangry right now. In fact, usually when I’m angry, I am hangry. Now you might think I’m downright adorkable.

In any event, I offer these five words which bring some much-needed specification to my wild world. I ask you to add to this list, dear reader (Mom and Grandmom).

Crapobatics (n. un. crap-o-bat-ix): The arm waving and upper body acrobatics one does when the automatic light has gone off while they are sitting on the toilet.

In our university, some sadist has set the automatic light to about 2.3 seconds. So I do crapobatics a lot. Especially in the morning.

Embarrashudder (v. intrans. Em-bar-a-shudr): The physical reaction one has when they are in a nonsexual environment and are abruptly reminded of dirty talk they used.

I embarrashudder a lot when I am shopping. For some reason zucchini and cantaloupes remind me of dirty talk from the past. And – as you all know – no matter how arousing dirty talk in a sexual context, in a nonsexual context the pure embarrassment and shame usually elicits a physical reaction.

Trust me, you have embarrashuddered.

Crexplode (v. intrans. Krix-plod): When one both cries and explodes after stabbing a fresh wound with a fork while washing dishes.

The most disturbing aspect of this word is how often it’s needed in my house. My last crexplosion came this morning after jamming a salad fork into a ten-hour old splinted wound.

Rectalact (v. intrans. Rektl-akt): The reaction a person has when they suddenly realize that there is a cat rectum a few inches from their face.

A person rectalacts in different ways. He may groan, twitch, jump, shout, or not do anything but then never tell anyone about it.

How often do I rectalact?

All. The. Time. My cat, the B Monster, seems to have a series of games wholly devoted to getting her rectum as close to my face as possible. This can happen while I’m in bed, eating cereal, or reading on the couch. I’ve the life of a Disney Prince.

Awkringe (v. intrans. Awwk-rin-je): the awkward cringe one makes when they are in a confined space with a couple that are having a heated make out session.

As the Czech Republic is the global capital of the PDA (public display of affection) I awkringe several times a week. It’s usually on a crowded tram, and if you’re really lucky you are pressed up against the excitable couple. Word of warning: never, ever join in.

So, here are five new words that should be under consideration for real word status. Have anymore?