Damien Galeone

The alarm goes off at 7 a.m. and I pray for death. I let out a manly groan (sob) as I unfold myself out of bed and peer out the window. It’s a blustery day; windy and wet. A darkness that hints at winter lingers in the air. It’s a perfect Saturday morning to spend in bed, reading and eating cereal shaped like Dracula. Instead, I look forward to seven hours of classes.

After a six-minute shower filled with tears and violent epithets that are better left unpublished, I boil a Moka pot of espresso with the strength, taste, properties and effects of jet fuel. I sip at it and slip on my shoes. Adding insult to injury, the cat is sleeping in my still-warm ass groove. Nothing evokes more envy than a sleeping cat.

This is my penance, for today I am a student.

To say that I was a bad student in college is like saying Hitler caused a little trouble in Europe. I was the worst student who ever lived. I went crazy with my freedom. I didn’t go to class. I didn’t buy books for class. The teacher saw me on the first day and on test day. Pubs were accessible on a daily basis and the choice between a pub and homework was like choosing between kissing Roseanne Barr and anyone else on Earth.

I graduated with one of the lowest GPAs in the history of the University of Pittsburgh. When I received my diploma, I breathed a sigh of relief so deep that I almost fainted.

But this has a bright side. My history as a deplorable student is why I am such a good student now. I actually do the work and complete assignments well before their due date. I am, in fact, a born again nerd. A pair of floods away from being telekinetically beat up by some born again jocks.

This is for two reasons. The first is that I learned my lesson. I no longer wanted to be the lost student in a class. The second reason is that after all this time I found genuine interest in a subject.
Plus, now I can do my homework at the pub.

Now, I grumble about school and love the misery. I complain about the hours, the work, the reading, the researching and I drink it in with stressed and joyous understanding.

This Saturday it’s sociolinguistics, U.S. foreign policy and Anglophone Indian politics. Three lessons that sound like anti-Viagra and yet I revel in the knowledge. Having been given a second chance in the world of education I refuse to blow the opportunity for the second time.

I am a neo-nerd, hear me cogitate.

Question for the day: If you could go back to school now and study anything you want, what would you choose to study?