Daily Notes

Date: February 22, 2017 18

Time: 6:21 a.m.

Emotional & Mental Stability (1-10 scale)


3 Positive Affirmations

  1. Most people consistently compliment your hair
  2. Nobody can read your mind
  3. You are not a Republican


3 MITs (most important tasks)

  • Go to meeting
  • Pretend to listen at meeting
  • Don’t kill yourself in/after meeting

3 Daily Goals  

  1. Be nice to people
  2. Show an interest in others (for realz)
  3. Don’t accidentally poke out eyes

Rewards for Goals attained and Tasks Fulfilled

A hotdog

Crib Notes for Navigating Today’s Shit Storm of Human Interaction

Look in the eyes, you fool, the eyes!

It’s rude to laugh at language mistakes.

Remember – he doesn’t want to be that stupid.

React to what people say, not what you want them to have said.

Think before you speak. Do you really want to say that?

Do ^^ again. Do you REALLY want to say that?

Not everyone loves the word fuck as much as you. This also goes for fuckballs, fuckwit, fuckety fuck fuck, motherfucker, and cocksucker. Know your audience.

No! No!

Questions to Ask/Things to Say

  1. You look nice? Did you do something with your hair? (do not call attention to your beautiful salt and pepper locks)
    1. Follow up: Oh, well, it just looks nice today.
    2. Follow up: Knew it!
  2. I think that’s a valid idea and I want to hear more about it.
    1. Follow up: I agree with your thesis and recommend that you send an email about it to management. Do not cc me.
    2. Oh, can you just send it to me in an email?
  3. You are doing a very good job (enter place of work).
    1. Follow up: You are welcome
    2. Follow up: Promiňte, Nerozumím. (leave hastily before any further interaction can ensue)
  4. You look very attractive in that (thing)
    1. Follow up: You are welcome.
    2. Follow up: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it.
  5. I found this meeting valuable and not at all painfully redundant and unnecessary.
    1. Nota bene: DO NOT LAUGH!
    2. Follow up: Couldn’t this have been accomplished in an email?
  6. Well I for one applaud your life choice.
    1. Nota bene: Slow breaths. Remember: they can not read your mind.
    2. Follow up: Oh…I see.

End of Day Report

February 22, 2017 18 (fuck nuggets!)

Time: 8:29 p.m.

Emotional Stability (1-10 scale)



  1. 2 of 3 attained.
  2. After 19 minutes my inability to listen was clear.
  3. Note: Do not read funny things on tablet in meeting.

Daily Goals

  1. Was (mostly) nice to people (that one guy deserved that comment)
  2. I need to work on showing interest in others. But they are so dull!
  • After near miss with fork/grapefruit, I did not poke out eyes! Win!

Crib Notes



The hotdog was so good that I had 2.

+ 7 beers

Meditational Mantra

You are not a Republican

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