The Top Ten

phantasy star girlsIn honor of one year of blogging, I am posting the top ten search engine queries that led people to my blog. Some of these people should be immediately hospitalized, some of them should be made scientific study subjects. In any case, here are the top ten adjoined by comments, witty and otherwise.

10. Galeonetube

I appreciate that someone is searching for an online website of all Galeone all the time, but I just don’t know how exciting 24 hours in the life of a short-legged popcorn enthusiast is going to be for anyone. Channels include feeding and cleaning the cat, jogging and weeping, reading at bedtime and the many sweater vests of an ESL teacher.

9. Revenge on Galeone

So whether this search was conducted about me or one of my unibrowed distant relatives in Sicily, I am still not comforted by the fact that someone expected to obtain information on how to get revenge on Galeone. This combined with the fact that I have just graded tests for 120 university students means I’m watching my back during my run along the river and having my colleague start up my computer on Monday.

8. Is Bjork to blame for the world ending?


7. Hemrhoid Sandwitch (sic: both words)

OK, let be honest, every now and then you just have to take your internet out for a ride and just really open her up to see what she can handle. But if I ever, ever see a hemorrhoid sandwich I am quite frankly going to take a bite and kill myself.

6. Daily Walk to the Metro without Sweating

If you are the person who searched this term, I am offering 302Kč (four days til payday!) if you find a website which figures out how to make this little miracle happen. I’ll even throw in an autographed photo of Phillip Katz making out with George Takei.

5. Japanese Game show Identifying Spouse’s Genitals

My thought process:

Q: What happens if they are unable to properly identify their spouse’s genitalia?

Purely in the interest of research I find a website with videos of this marvelous game show.

A: The person must have sexual intercourse with the owner of the genitalia they wrongly identify.

Outcome: I have really got to visit Japan.

4. Richard Harris Naked

Why? Dear God…Why?

NB: This melodramatic question was far more effective before I realized that I was the one who searched this phrase. That leads us to…

3. Damien Galeone Gay

Well, I had a good run. I suppose I couldn’t stay in the closet forever what with putting my cat in sweater vests, hanging out in public with Collin Popkey and growing a mustache, it was really only a matter of time. I’m out. I’m going off to buy a rainbow suit and I’ll see you at Fire Island. I’ll bring the Streisand albums and leather chaps.

And in direct contrast…

2. Fuck Dolls on the Verge of falling into my soulful pool of lust

I would like to thank Henry Miller for existing, for making this selection possible and for helping me relocate my heterosexuality. It was touch and go for a minute there.

1. Damien Galeone 98                                   Japanese Wall Porn 63

I wonder if the guys who run ever wonder about this Galeone dude who keeps popping up in their search stats.

Honorable mentions

I have to say that there were a few tough calls for the top ten. They include Knifec*nt (I added the asterisk, you do the math), How to torture a dog and I like bologna bologna Damien galeone bologna. Before you ask, I have no idea.

Over to you!

I demand feedback! I have been bothering you twice a week with my inane ramblings and I cannot thank you folks enough for reading and, more importantly, for not coming to my house and kicking me to death. I want to know what you would like to read about. Please comment and let me know.

  1. #1 by PJ on June 7, 2012 - 10:24 am

    Happy Anniversary, it seems like only a year ago I would actually have to meet you in a pub to hear your nonsensical ramblings but now I can read them (with the help of your grumbling voice in my head). Hooray! If that doesn’t make me want a hemrhoid sandwich than I don’t know what will. However, you’re being a little selfish with the whole Galeonetube thing. You’re not the only Galeone that can entertain. In fact, and I’m sure your dad can help me with the Italian translation, I believe Galeone is derived from an Italian word meaning “family of people I don’t hate and make me laugh”
    Congrats on one year! I’m looking forward to (or dreading, I always get those two mixed up) many more years!

    • #2 by Damien Galeone on June 7, 2012 - 11:14 pm

      i think we should make hemmorhoid sandwiches next time we go out drinking.

  2. #3 by Simon Henton on June 7, 2012 - 12:15 pm

    Your irreverent ramblings about Prague and Czechs is very entertaining and helps me with my pub Czech (something I don’t get in my lessons)

    Happy Anniversary and keep up the good work

    • #4 by Damien Galeone on June 7, 2012 - 11:15 pm

      Thank you Simon, and I pledge to keep going!

  3. #5 by Collin on June 7, 2012 - 2:33 pm

    You should write about our first trip to Fire Island. That was an adventure…

    • #6 by Damien Galeone on June 7, 2012 - 11:15 pm

      No way, man, what happens on Fire Island stays on Fire Island.

  4. #7 by Meghan on June 7, 2012 - 2:50 pm

    I was wrong about the mustache. It’s not hipster it’s gay. I find you slightly more attractive now that you’re out.

    • #8 by Damien Galeone on June 7, 2012 - 11:16 pm

      See you in August. I’ll bring that $5 burrito money…

  5. #9 by Emma on June 7, 2012 - 3:31 pm

    You’re welcome. and it’s from Oprah. Bam! Plus, she recommends Xanax. I’ll take the 302kc in beer, and the George/PJ pic in a frame, please. Oh, and I want to read more about a) how great I am, and b) food or WWII. or food in WWII. Whatevs.

    • #10 by Damien Galeone on June 7, 2012 - 11:16 pm

      I think we should meet at Troop after next weekend and discuss these things in deranged drunken detail.

  6. #11 by Andy on June 7, 2012 - 8:32 pm

    A Becherovka to honor the date! Keep it up you short-legged popcorn/Richard Harris-enthusiast.

    • #12 by Damien Galeone on June 7, 2012 - 11:17 pm

      Thank you sir! To the Go-Bots and the 101st!

  7. #13 by vmusilek on June 7, 2012 - 10:30 pm

    Cool year Damien,
    would not survive the year without your posts and your book.
    Would saying that you are my sunshine make me gay as well? Hey-ho

    • #14 by Damien Galeone on June 7, 2012 - 11:18 pm

      Thank you Vit, i really appreciate that. Also, we’ll see you on Fire Island!

Comments are closed.