Damien Galeone

Hi there

Last week I read an article which stated that chubby men typically last longer and have fewer issues with premature ejaculation than slimmer men. Now, this is just one reason to date chubby men, but there are many, many more.

And not just chubby men, but chubby women, too.

It’s time to get the word out about chubby love. And it’s about time Mr. Slim and Mrs. Trim get knocked off their sexy pedestals simply because they metabolize faster or have better genes. Oh sure, they look better on the beach and they breathe more quietly, but let’s look at the reasons you should be dating chubby people.

In the first place, slim people barely eat. Further, they obsess about how much they’re eating and make annoying comments like: “You probably shouldn’t put butter in that.”

A chubby person knows how to eat. Also, we won’t judge you for overeating. In fact, we are usually so engrossed in our food that we could care less about what you’re doing while we eat. And not only do we love to eat, but we usually know the best places in town to eat. Stick with us if you want to get the best pizza, cupcakes, and kebabs and eat with no self-consciousness.

The last time I went on a date with a slim person I had a moment of clarity. One minute we’re having a nice chat on safe, level ground, and the next minute she was forcing me up a hill like a common pack mule. To see a castle! While sweating and panting through my forced march it dawned on me: all the slim people I have dated make me be active I’ve walked up hills, gone for hikes, and, in one disastrous case, cycling. Am I trying out for a university sports team or trying to see someone in their underwear?

Dating a chubby person will guarantee a physically low intensive date. You can expect activities such as drinking coffee, beer, or tea. We will bring you to a restaurant and suggest afterwards that we lie down on the street and breathe deeply. We might ask you to take part in one of our passive hobbies. You can expect to paint a model plane, read, or check your blood sugar. Either way, it’s time to chillax…and maybe nap.

The best thing about dating chubby people is our personalities. The slim and traditionally attractive have always had people flocking to them because of their looks, but not us. No. We have had to become interesting and fun to attract people. So there is nothing better than spending a night with a chubby person.

Let’s be honest, slim and trim people are boring. They all say things like “Watch me crack this walnut with my abs,” or “It is so awesome having legs longer than my waist.” But us chubby people usually have lots to talk about; we’ve read lots of books and seen lots of movies. And we rarely, rarely draw attention to our abs or our waists.

There are so many reasons to date chubby people. We are funnier, calmer, and more interesting. According to scientists, we are better in bed, which might be attributed to the extra effort we put it out of sheer gratitude. Whatever the reason it’s empirical evidence! Moreover, there won’t be too much competition from other attractive people to sway us from you, so you can almost guarantee our loyalty. And if the zombie apocalypse comes you can always outrun us.

So go out and grab yourself a chubby person today.

My fellow chubby people, give the slim ones more reasons to date us!