It’s amazing how many opportunities there are to look like an idiot in public. Now, if you’re an idiot everywhere – in private, in your bathroom, at work – then there’s a solid chance you’re going to look really stupid in public at some point. Also, if you regularly urinate in your pants on the tram or pick half-eaten hotdogs out of the trash, this list isn’t for you. This list is for you normal(ish) folks who occasionally look like schmucks for some random anomaly.
Wrong Door
Trying to go in through the out door or vice-versa is a minor blow to anyone’s ego. This is probably because such an elementary task should be executed with little to no problem.
We all know the feeling, too. Walking up to this door, not even thinking, your brain on autopilot, pushing the door, pushing it again, and then doing the ‘where is the door I need’ look around the room. Then the sheepish exit.
It doesn’t matter how well dressed or how attractive, as you leave the room people strip 30 points off of your possible IQ.
Natural Predators
I don’t kill spiders in my flat anymore. I have simply allowed my house to become a thriving ecosystem. The spiders kill the flies and the mosquitoes and as long as they stay in their corners life is good. If they draw too close, then the cat gets them. The circle of life.
I have made my peace with spiders in my house, which is my turf. But I still bump into free range spiders unexpectedly in public (in Prague ‘unexpectedly’ means forty to fifty times a day). Upon this, I typically shriek, moan, or make another sound I’d otherwise wish I could erase from everyone’s memory.
If your natural predator is the Koala and you live in Dayton, you’re fine. Otherwise, just be prepared to look like a schmuck.
Talk to Yourself
I am not crazy. But. I have long since found that when I have an issue or a problem, I can’t sit quietly and ponder it like others. I need to verbally walk myself through the differing angles of the issue. Often I do this while I walk.
Again, I am not crazy. But. When you get caught talking to yourself in public, you look like a crazy person. You can be wearing OR scrubs and carrying around your med school diploma, and you still look crazy. Which I’m not.
Argue with Your Parents
There is nothing on this Earth that will degenerate the maturity of a grown adult more than being in an argument with their parents.
When this degeneration takes place in public, it only means an audience for the explosion of ancient issues and pent-up baggage that comes out of your face. If it’s a really good rant, you might even pout and stomp your feet.
The only solace is that if those around you figure out that the older people mentally torturing you in public are your parents, they will forgive you.
Smile
Yes, I live in the Czech Republic. Oh, we here in Prague all smile and laugh here at certain things. A drunken German tourist gets pickpocketed. Hilarious. An old woman beats a drunk homeless guy with her shopping bag. Stitches.
I am talking about someone smiling in public for no particular reason. Warmly. The average Czech will think you have fallen off your rocker. They will recoil in horror. And that’s when you wink at them.
My normal(ish) friends, what is your trademark way of looking stupid in public?
#1 by HokeyPokeyTrainer on October 18, 2014 - 12:59 pm
It’s always cool to realise after a while that, when putting on your over-ear headphones, you funked up your hair and it’s been standing off your head in a few 10 cm bows. Love the moment when you see your reflection in the door of the subway in which your head basically looks like a nest, and no one bothered to tell you. 🙂
#2 by Mirkitty on October 25, 2014 - 6:41 pm
Haha
#3 by Mirkitty on October 25, 2014 - 6:47 pm
Pretty funny! I must admit I keep talking to myself in public (or worse – I sing Songs from fairy tales). Doing this in a small Town Where almost everybody knows your profession and your family history makes you look like you really need holiday or Shot of vodka… But I am Happy Somebody else does it too :-)! Thanks for the post, I really like it! X