Blue Workout Gear. Not Pictured: Photographer in only socks (you’re welcome)
If there’s one rule for working out, it’s to never look in a mirror while you’re doing it. Unless you resemble Chaning Tatum or Jennifer Lopez, you do not look good working out. You don’t.
OK, at least I don’t.
I always look a few seconds away from a stroke, shirt soaked through with sweat, my cheeks red as tomatoes, my face conveying a confused sense of loathing.
While there is a mirror in the middle room where I work out, I usually avoid it completely.
But every now and then, I take a peek. As I am suffering in a manly way, I guess I am hoping to catch a glimpse of myself looking manly suffering. But I never do, I always look marvelously unsexy and almost dead.
It’s during one of these peeks that I become aware of my chosen outfit for working out.
Blue
Not just a blue shirt. Blue everything. Shoes. Shorts. Shirt. Towel. All blue.
I don’t know if I fit the stereotype one might associate with a forty-year old bachelor. Probably yes and no. I am a good cook, I enjoy keeping a clean house, and I have admitted the benefits of a daily lotion regimen. On the other hand, I can’t iron and I have long lacked the ability to clothe myself properly.
I am remarkably bad at dressing myself.
I have walked out of the house an embarrassing number of times in accidental monochrome. I have mismatched pants and shirt in different patterns of plaid. If my sisters get a surprise Skype video call from me, they know it’s to repair my outfit for a date.
I have come to terms with this. And I knew blue was part of this affliction. I am the only person I know who does loads of laundry in whites, colors, and blues. When I asked a friend before Christmas what color shirts I should buy at home, she said, “Maybe black or dark grey. Not blue. Do not get blue.”
During the remainder of my workout, through the pushups and lunges and squats, I wonder what the psychology and social consequences are behind this deep commitment to blue. If only there were a place people could go to get enormously superficial analyses based on one aspect.
Aha!
I will go to Dr. Internet.
Evidently, us blue-wearing folks are on a search for inner peace and truth. And wow, that is, like, so true for me. Not a day goes by when someone doesn’t say to me: “You look like a guy on a search for inner peace and truth. I will just leave you to enjoy your alcohol and pastries.” I think I’ll lobby my friends to nickname me The Lama.
But that’s not all, we also want to live according to our ideals and beliefs and completely avoid changing our viewpoints to satisfy others. Read: we’re stubborn pricks. In our defense, it’s hard to be flexible when we’re so busy seeking inner peace and truth.
God, we’re a hot blue mess.
I need a holiday.
More than simply explaining our deeply rooted issues, blue also has a major effect on those who gaze upon it. Blue conveys tranquility and peace, causing the brains of those who see it to release calming chemicals into their systems. This explains why my students are often fast asleep in my classes.
And all this time I thought it was my meditative and calming personality.
Phew.
Blue also enhances productivity and strength. Reports prove that people can get more work done and lift more weight in a room painted blue. So true! When I was 12 years old my bedroom was painted blue and I could work for almost 9 or 10 whole seconds before thinking about my neighbor in lingerie. Also, I had the strength to easily trounce my younger brother in a wrestling match. Well, that is until his growth spurt at 9.
Blue also symbolizes loyalty and trust, which might be why I am so hard on those who cheat in my exams. Maybe to further thwart cheating I should print my tests in blue ink. Wait a tick, is this why police officers wear blue and why there are people rarely use blue condoms when cheating on their spouses?
Now that demands a scientific study!
I hope this has been an interesting analysis of why I choose to wear blue and how I hope to make the world better by doing so. If you don’t believe the points made above, just remember that I got the information from the internet.
So, you’re just wrong.
If you too are interested in finding out everything about your personality and your impact on others, feel free to consult the websites below.
Color Psychology: What Color Says about You
