Damien Galeone

Scenario: In order to repay readers for following my blog and to celebrate reaching 10,000 views, I decided to let you folks choose ten shots for me to do in one night. In a moment both exhilarating and terrifying, you did choose ten shots with joyful abandon. Thus, I had to go through with this. I am a genius.

Setting: The Horne (see Leonard Says Buy My Book)

Characters: Me, Christopher Galeone, Julia Galeone, Dan and Gabby Luongo, others, Tracy the bartender and thirty soon-to-be-annoyed bar patrons.

Modus Operandi: I compiled the list of ten and added a last-minute eleventh shot, just for luck. We did each one shot for 1,000 views. For this reason, we added an eleventh for the views over 10,000.

What follows is the rundown of the evening via each shot.

The Night of 11 Shots

1. 7:29 pm: Ketel One (Christopher Galeone). We are off to the races. This one goes down nice and smooth, but with a nagging thread of impending doom. The room is full and the bartender Tracy is surprised to see that we are not drinking Rumpleminz. She surely notes this in her mental bartender’s notebook. Christopher uses the word ‘gluttonous’ and nobody is sure why.

2. 7:48 pm: Red Headed Slut (Devon Fox) symbiotic relationship – awesome. This shot sees the conversation take on a more random and declaratory attitude. Christopher goes off on a tirade against white socks and their place in the downfall of man. Country music rears its controversial head and Julia steals my notebook, prompting a future, embarrassing story about her. The best order of shots is discussed.

3. 8:28 pm: AJ Bombs (Meghan Holohan). This one has more bite than the others. The attributes of Rob Lowe’s acting are discussed at the table. Christopher becomes agitated and therefore the room’s patrons have taken their first notice of us; let us say it is not an ideal first impression. Death makes its first appearance in conversation, proving without a doubt that we are, in fact, Galeones.

4. 8:48 pm: Buttery Nipple (M. Lee Adams III). This is a smooth shot and is surrounded by very little to write about. We do reflect on adding a milk-based drink to the list. The first high five occurs. Shame floods the table afterwards.

5. 9:26 pm: Maker’s Mark (Gabrielle Luongo). Gabby and Dan and her brothers arrive and we do her chosen shot. She is pregnant, so she cannot join, but watches with a glazed look that resembles the one my cat wears whenever she sees a tuna fish can.

9:32 pm sees the first (magnificent) spill of the evening as Julia knocks my full beer into my seat. Fortunately, I am not in it. Since this is a table full of Italians who speak fluent hand-language, we are amazed that it has taken two hours for a spillage to occur.

6. 9:47 pm: Jagerbombs (Marcelle Cohen). The words ‘prostate exam’ are in my notebook and, though things have gotten a bit foggy, I later deduce that it has to do with peeing sixteen times in twenty minutes.

9:59 pm: My love of large-nosed women is brought up at the table to the glee of everyone except yours truly.

10:00 pm: I go to the bathroom again.

10:01 pm: I return to find everyone at the table looking into their mobile phone devices and not speaking. I smell trouble.

10:03 pm: I am presented with no less than 200 Facebook pictures of large-nosed friends and their biographies.

7. 10:17 pm: Cream Your Jeans/Grasshopper (John Micozzi). This milk-based drink puts out the fire of the Jagerbombs and the bourbon, but three of us are lactose intolerant. Problems may ensue.

10:21 pm: I have been jotting in my notebook for a few moments and look up to find that I am alone at the table. The lactose intolerant ones have gone to the bathroom and the others have gone to smoke.

10:23 pm: Christopher strikes pregnant Gabby – on the wrist, so keep your panties on – and besides…

10:23:02: Pregnant Gabby strikes Chris on the forehead.

10:23:40: We talk it out.

8. 10:30 pm: B52 (Emma). There is a moment of silence after this shot and I realize that I am looking forward to getting in bed and reading. This spurs a solo rendition of “Old Man,” by Neil Young. The ingredients of a Three Wise Men are argued. Upon another sojourn into their mobile devices, it turns out that I am on the happy side of that argument.

9. 10:50 pm: Matachin (Joker). This one has tequila and, as a result, I die a little inside. Chris strikes the pregnant woman again and I scold him and note that I too would strike a pregnant woman if it allowed me to get in bed and eat a hot dog whilst reading Watership Down. I betray this realization to nobody.

10. 11:17 pm: Three Wise Men (Kwynn). If you have never had this shot, you have never turned twenty-one surrounded by sadistic friends. It consists of three whiskeys – Jim Beam, Johnny Walker and Jack Daniels. It tastes as good as it sounds. This drink prompts Christopher to get cut off from Tracy the bartender and Julia uses the term “in my day” for the first time ever. The rest of us induct her into the Old Person’s Club with the traditional gifts of a toaster oven, bitter regret and a pair of slippers.

11. 11:51 pm: Oil Slick (Jaeger). We decide to do this one for the 11,000 and it presumably brings about a swift end to the evening. However, I have no proof of this, since things have gotten…hazy. The only note in my book reads “Nude Megatouch – Champions!” so at least the night ends on a high note.

Conclusion

I would like to thank my brother, sister and the Luongos for braving The Night of Eleven Shots with me with a total lack of consideration for their own well-being.

Thank you again for reading the blog and if you continue to do so I promise more shenanigans and fun stories. But probably somewhere other than Langhorne.

Please do not mimic the above actions as they have been carried out by professional people who have personal vendettas with their livers.

NB: I would like to point out that I spelled ‘exhilarating’ without the use of spell check.

NB: Actually, no I didn’t.