Learn from masters (some of whom you’ve never heard of) who didn’t take the missteps in life that you did and who also need to make a quick buck.
Jeff Sessions teaches being thrown under a bus after destroying a democratic republic.
CNN teaches obsessing over your biggest fear. But you know, it’s cool.
Justin Trudeau teaches not being so bad in comparison (four guest lectures by George W. Bush)
Masterclass.com teaches saturating a market until you’re a meta joke in a humor article.
Jonah Hill teaches abandoning comedy to discover art. I guess.
JK Rowling teaches developing after-the-fact backstory.
McSweeney’s teaches writing articles whose humor hipsters everywhere are too scared to admit they don’t understand.
Donald Trump teaches constructing matryoshka dolls.
Tom Brady teaches the art of he has to have sold his soul to the devil, right?
George Orwell and Kurt Vonnegut teach telling you so (special twofer from beyond the grave rate).
Robert Downey Junior teaches being unrecognizable to your former self.
Keanu Reeves teaches being internet memed to the successor of the incarnation of Avalokiteśvara, Bodhisattva of Compassion to the Dalai Lama.
John Legend teaches getting other people laid.
Jaden Smith teaches being a philosophical prodigy, a comic genius, or certifiably insane.
Barack Obama teaches being a weekend dad to 200 million exhausted people.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez teaches being right while infuriating the other 100 million.
Steve King teaches evolution not necessarily leading to a more developed species. In Iowa.
Melania Trump teaches ineffectively blinking a distress signal on television. Because she speaks four languages, but one of them apparently isn’t Morse code.
Noam Chomsky teaches being the number one most misunderstood person referenced around kegs in college apartments.
Anderson Cooper teaches being too good-looking to distrust.
Netflix teaches making comedy instantly available to almost everyone and enjoyed by almost no one.
Joe Rogan teaches being a podcasting demigod to men ages 20-45.
Marc Maron teaches being a podcasting demigod to pessimistic men ages 20-45.
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